Personal Growth: The Ultimate Long Game
You think you know yourself and then life goes ahead and slaps you in the face again. WHY? Because well, it can. And it does, repeatedly. It’s times like these that make me step back and realize that even though you thought there was a road there one day, doesn’t mean there can’t be a cliff there another. Long term personal growth is hard and… …maybe it’s time to take that leap you’ve been avoiding, eh? Embracing the Struggle for Long Term Personal Growth (PS – Stay tuned, because next month I’ll be taking my own leap. Check back in January…or subscribe!…to find out what it is!) Let me talk to you today about being stuck. About feeling so stuck that you feel like your skin is crawling. Not in a bad way, but a creative way. As in, you know there is something that is calling to you, you just can’t figure out what it is yet. Maybe it’s because we’re out here searching high and low for it instead of letting the universe drop it in our laps when the time is right. It’s hard when those around you support your successes but also may make you feel unworthy of things as well. Sometimes this can be close friends, co-workers, or even family. Are they jealous? That’s what the default setting is, right? No. I think it’s doubt. I think it’s doubt that who you’ve been or what you’ve done for so long has just sunken into their psyche and now to think that you’ll do something different, something more, is just so out of your reach that it’s now laughable to them. Let them laugh. Keep focusing on your own journey, your own growth. Keep realizing your own potential at your own pace because NO ONE ELSE can do it for you. Each time I encounter these people in my life, it only pushes me further. Let them inspire you. Let their doubt be the reason you succeed. When we condition ourselves to live in this bubble of frustration and stress and angst and upset, it pulls us down. It ruins our good moods and the moods of those around us, so you know what? I’m starting to go against the grain and embrace it. I’ve learned little by little not to care about certain comments and to know when it’s okay to stay quiet. For me, this is when I learn, when I process, when I internalize my feelings and thoughts and get what I call “a squeezy headache.” Maybe that sounds stupid to you, but we all have it in some way, shape or form. It’s that feeling of needing to get shit done. It’s that feeling of release. Whether that looks like a strong workout to you, or running a half marathon, or signing a deal. To me, it is writing. It is releasing my feelings to the world to show others that it’s okay to be yourself. You don’t have to feel bad for it. The Effort Behind Long Term Personal Growth Sometimes I look at these people and get envious of their success. I relish in the idea that they have it all figured out and if I didn’t have these feelings, I may think that I wasn’t fully human. Because that’s what they are. Human freaking feelings. I sit and wonder why it’s so hard for me to focus on what I want in life. Why it’s so difficult to just DO the things that need to be done. And then I remember that what I learned growing into my adulthood is different than what they did. My growth is different than what theirs is. And my path is forged in a different direction than those around me. And maybe that is for the best. Because when I sit back and actually consider what their lives are like, what they’ve gone through (that I know of) and what I’ve gone through, I realize quite frequently that I wouldn’t have it any other way. We all have our own shit storms to deal with. We all have our own traumas to navigate as adults and that’s okay. The way you are handling your own life is okay. Just keep doing your best and continue to be your authentic self. Long term personal growth does not happen overnight. Hell, it may not even be done by the time you’re checking out. But as far as I see it, as long as we’re doing our best to make what we want out of life happen, then we’re on the right path. Of course, growth takes effort. You can’t just sit back and watch the clouds roll by expecting change to show up at your doorstep. (Cloud watching is something I highly recommend though, as I’m sure you probably haven’t “had time” to do that since you were a kid). Go ahead, just do it for 5 minutes…without your phone in your hand. *Need a reason to sit the eff down? Here’s a good one. Check out the Insight Timer app and let your mind rest for a few minutes while you listen to soothing music or a quick guided meditation. It’ll be the best minutes of your day, pinky promise. Navigating Challenges and Change When you look at the bigger map of life, you start to realize that these little problems don’t mean as much. You start to embrace those daily habits changing little by little, because even though it feels like forever at the time, I bet when you’re 80 it’s going to seem like seconds. I’m no longer for the “grind” kind of life. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. And just when you think you’re doing everything right, it knocks you back down to size. If you’ve been following HB for a while now, you’ll know that this blog was born out of one of those core moments in my life. Oddly enough, just as I thought I’d
Turning Things Around At 33: Why It’s Never Too Late To Start Embracing Change With Growth
Hey friends. A lot has happened since we started this journey together. Pushing through adversity has been one of the hardest things to overcome in my journey to a more present self. Let’s talk today about how that’s going and how you can learn to get through tougher times to enjoy yourself more on a daily basis. Your Worst Enemy Sometimes adversity can hit home. It can come through the loss of a loved one, a job misfortune or just a plain old bad day. It can get you down and wear you out, but I’m here to let you know that working through times like these can only make you a stronger individual. Why are we always so hard on ourselves? Why do we let comparison steal our happiness and truth of who we are inside? If you want nice things, you don’t have to feel guilty. If you enjoy the simple life, you don’t need to feel like you’re missing out on nice things. The “simple life” can be looked at in several different ways, it is simply what makes you feel happy and alive. This past week I had a change in my outlook on life. Something personal came up that made me feel envious of others lives and created regret that maybe I hadn’t been living my life to its fullest, or rather, to what I “thought” I should be living it like. After several days of pouting and upset, I finally realized that I am in fact living my best life. I am, in fact living my life to its fullest. I have no reason to make complaints, remarks of others I may be envious of, because in the end, we’re just all humans doing our best to live our lives the way we feel that we should. I want to let you know that you can be anything you want in this world. If you find toxicity in any parts of your life, you can change them. You can create the lifestyle you want, the career you desire, and the relationship that looks perfect to you. You alone have the control to make these things your reality, and all you have to do is begin. Begin the changes to encourage your new life, begin accepting that you are on the right path in this universe and let go of the control over what you think you need to do to get there. Things will always happen whether planned or not, and adversity will always strike when you least expect it to. This personal conflict in my life made me at first feel like it would have such an impact. I thought that it was going to cause such problems and uncertainty that I got worked up for days about it. But after some time to just sit and think, (without a screen nearby), I had time to self-reflect on what my actual problem with the situation was. I then realized that it came at a perfect time. A time where I am now confident and comfortable in my own skin to take on this new challenge. Not a time where I was weak-minded and fragile like I was not so long ago. Sometimes challenges present themselves in weird ways. They come out of nowhere when everything is going well and try to break you down mentally. I challenge you to push back and stand up for yourself. You’ve come this far, all you have to do is keep forging ahead. Related: When Push Comes To Shove, Remember To Not Compare 5 Tips to Start Becoming More Confident in Yourself What are some things you can do to start becoming more confident in yourself? What are some aspects you can adjust about your life so that you are comfortable with the path you are on? Let’s talk about a few suggestions. Find things that make you happy. Do them more often. This is easier said than done, trust me. Remind yourself that you are enough. You are okay. You are on the right path. Say it in the mirror if you feel comfortable doing so. Talk to a friend about your situation. Try to be completely open and receive their feedback without criticism. They probably know you better than you know yourself. Give yourself little reminders of how amazing you are. Write down your favorite book excerpts or lyrics and put post-it notes where you get ready in the morning. Speaking of getting ready, GET READY! Stop being lazy and start encouraging yourself to get out of bed and fix your hair, do your makeup or nails, take a bath or read some. Make time for yourself, even before a workday. You’ll feel better and more confident going into the grind. Why have you been holding back on the things that bring you joy? Who has been holding you back? Has it been yourself? A loved one? A friend? It’s time to stop putting off the hobbies and interests that you collect happiness from. It’s important to spend time with these things especially after a long day at work or when you’re feeling overstimulated. Related: Working Through Self Expectations & Limitations Don’t Let Expectations Hold Back Your Joy This bump in my road has brought so much more clarity than I could have asked for. I’ve found that not only am I enjoying who I am, but I’m also making an effort to dip my toes into things that I’ve been dreaming of doing but haven’t yet accomplished. Having big goals before turning 30, I became a little upset when these still were not embarked upon recently when turning 33. But I’m making progress…and so can you. These changes don’t have to be giant, they just have to exist. Start prioritizing a little more time on fun and you’ll begin growing in ways that you didn’t think were possible anymore. It’s almost like we hit the pause button at
When Push Comes To Shove, Remember To Not Compare
Last night I had a breakdown. It was small but it was mighty enough to kick me into gear again. I’m always wondering where life will go from here, and looking for ways to broaden my horizons in any way possible. Upon leaving the grocery store yesterday though, my mind went into straight spiral mode when I realized that my entire day consisted of un-fun, un-relaxing tasks. My mood darkened, my energy from the day shrunk, and the long list of things I haven’t yet accomplished started creeping in to remind me just how much I suck. If this sounds familiar, trust me, you aren’t alone. Find the Time to Vent I heavily considered getting up to write this post at midnight last night when my mind was racing with those defeating thoughts. Being a blogger about finding balance however, well, that wouldn’t make much sense, would it? So, I tried my best to snuggle back into my covers and call it a night. Yesterday wasn’t full of heartache or agony or hard times. It didn’t have much of a bad moment in it to be honest. But little by little, the spiral began, leading me into straight up angry tears by the time I got home. The icing on the cake? My favorite pair of shoes chewed just enough past the point of repair by my oh so cute pitty. I went outside to pout. Yes, pout. I sat for nearly 30 minutes before my husband came out to make sure I was okay. He knew I was having a moment and is always so great about reading it and giving me my space. (Something I definitely need to work on). How are you doing with that? As I sat there, I wondered what set off the tears, the frustration, and reflected on how I managed to get into such a crappy mood after having a relatively good day at work. You see, this would be the time I used to reach for a drink. Frustration, be gone! Although I’m no longer living that life, so in my sobriety, I sat there wondering if I could find the reason why this all came to be. Taking it one step at a time from the end, I realized the shoe had been my breaking point. Why? Because (and here goes the overthinking brain…3 cheers to those of you who can feel this pain!), …because if I had only been home more to be with my dogs and take them on walks and care for them fully during the day they would have less anxiety while we were gone or have the desire to destroy our shoes. I would have the time I needed to practice self-care to the maximum, create the lifestyle I so long for, and finish my hobbies and projects around the home. I would have time to dedicate to creating healthy meals for my family, drive to get proper groceries instead of relying on others to choose for me via Instacart, and come home to a less cluttered home since I would have all the time I needed. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. I was at this point in my life once, where I had all the time in the world…but something was missing. Maybe it was this blog? It brings me pure joy to write and release these feelings with others who understand how I am. It creates happiness to know that I may someday be able to let another know that they’re not by themselves and that we all have feelings of doubt in our lives. As much as we try to work out the “what-ifs,” they’re still there, deep down. Related: Overcoming Negativity On The Scale: How I’m Learning To Be Okay With My Body Be in the Now, Don’t Compare I raised an imaginary glass after my pouting session to engaging with my inner self. After much reflection and understanding of how I got there, I was proud of myself for not reaching for a drink or creating an unnecessary argument with my spouse. And then, I realized how much I was comparing what I wanted years ago to what I want now. Back then, something was missing. I’ve fulfilled that since. Now, I crave more time, only because time is more prevalent to me as age creeps upon me. Something of course I didn’t feel in my early twenties or teens. As I grow both physically and mentally, it occurs to me that I have not lost this game, I have not created an unmeaningful life, it simply is a different life than that of which I wanted as my past self. Now, I am able to learn and grow from what I’ve accomplished and failed in, as opposed to being angry with myself for not trying new things. Once we move past the need to compare ourselves to others, I think we start to compare ourselves to well, us. And in my opinion, this can be an even bigger beast to tame as we tend to compare ourselves so harshly instead of recognizing what we’ve had the opportunity to engage with over the years and overcome. Why can’t we accept that change is going to happen? That as we grow we will develop new ideas or goals in life? Why is it more acceptable to look backward in regret as opposed to looking back on how well we’ve done? Here are a few ways I’m going to practice comparing myself less in the future. Wanna join me? Continue to practice patience. Go sit with yourself and turn your phone off, (I turn mine upside down sometimes and this is also helpful!) Enjoy just being present with your thoughts. And if those thoughts are awesome ideas, make sure you write them down. Begin to look around you more. Write down things that you’ve accomplished and keep track of your progress.
Dealing With Change: An Uncomfortable Shift In Mindset And A Lesson Learned
I was standing in a beautiful stone built shower this evening with clean, hot water running over me. As I washed my hair with what some may call bougie shampoo, a question popped into my head. Why is it so hard to believe that I may have just changed? What is the real problem with dealing with change, anyway? Why does it feel so weird and why can’t we accept that it is a normal, part of self-growth…part of life. I Forgot I Could Change We backpacked through the backcountry for 3 days this week. We experienced outdoor showers, more than one secret oasis, howling coyotes on the hunt and a random horse pass our tent. We trudged through more than 30 miles of hiking, including up the tallest mountain in the state as well as the wilderness, the desert, the tundra, the forest, and a canyon. We viewed sunrise after sunset at some of the most stunning places we’ve ever been together, including great meals and many memorable moments together. We enjoyed talking, walking and even silence during hiking struggles. So, why is it that today, when the first thing went wrong, that my overthinking brain hit the roof? I wasn’t seeing clearly earlier, but since that refreshing hot shower, I’m a little more understanding. You see, I forgot that I could change. I forgot that it’s okay to adjust what you do as you get older, or how you approach new situations, or even situations that you previously were in. It’s okay to feel the hurt when something doesn’t go your way, we are allowed to have feelings when things just plain suck sometimes. But at the end of the day, we have to realize one thing. That thing is that dealing with change is always going to be present in our world, change is always going to happen whether we’re ready for it or not. The thing that hits hardest however, is how you handle the change that comes your way. What change have you encountered lately? Related: What Are Your Pillars? Mental, Physical, Emotional Health Foundations Dealing With Changing Situations and How I React to Them It’s becoming more and more clear to me when I need to adjust my mindset. I often even realize it now in the middle of an actual conversation, where I’ll start to work on self-talk inside my own thoughts. It doesn’t always help right away, but reflecting on it throughout the day is where I find the most progress. Sometimes I’ll talk to my partner about it. Sometimes I’ll put away my screens and just sit to reflect while working on breath work. Other times, I’ll talk to you. As much as I’m hopeful these posts will enlighten another in the world to their potential and understanding of self, it helps me just as much to be able to use this canvas to paint new perspectives on how to adjust my way of thinking or being to better fit into tomorrow. Focusing on the good in our lives is often so much more difficult than focusing on the negative. If I had to keep a tally for this trip, the positive moments would far outweigh the negative ones. Yet, when someone asks me how it went, you know the first thing that will come to mind might just be this one negative one. Why is that? Why does our brain trick us into thinking that those moments are more important to highlight? Human beings like drama, and drama is memorable. My goal this year is to focus on becoming more aware of how I react in changing situations, such as when I was conflicted earlier about whether or not to get another campsite, or a tiny home. After MUCH back and forth contemplation, I decided I was in love with neither and that I should look some more. (All the while missing out on beautiful landscapes passing me by). Low and behold, I found another airbnb that was perfect. We decided to upgrade for the evening and clicked “book.” Changing Rooms and Changing Attitude When we got to the place, there was clearly issues allover. There was soot everywhere from an apparent fire from the person before us, broken things nearly all the places we checked, and just bad vibes throughout the room. The maintenance was kind enough to relocate us to an even more beautiful room, although I was initially upset since that was my perfect aesthetic carefully chosen place. I complained to my husband about the new one, how it was so different and how the patio view wasn’t as nice. I complained about the slowly draining jet tub that I’d longed for after those miles of hikes. I spent so much time complaining that I forgot to look outside and remind myself how magnificent of a place I was already blessed to be in… In that shower, I realized that I was complaining about things that I was taking for granted. Things that I’d grown accustomed to in our travels and things that I was craving so much after missing them for days, that when the slightest thing went wrong, I’d gotten angry, annoyed, even ignorant to my surroundings. Dealing with change is so difficult sometimes. Especially as an adult. We get so used to doing things one way for so long, or being used to how we did things as kids and teenagers, that when that adult life hits us, we expect to continue on with those feelings. I realized that since I’d loved camping so much as a child, that of course I must love it just as much now. And I do. But my back, my joints, my body, the cold, the up at night to walk 100 feet to a half-working bathroom (if there even was one), the constant reminder I was nearly alone in the wilderness, those were things I was not used to. Those things I needed a break
Embracing Vulnerability : The Art of Slowing Down and Seizing New Experiences
How often do you get the chance to try out new experiences? How many days of the year would you say you are able to put on your big girl pants and step out into the unknown? How many seconds of each day are you able to grasp without rushing and just breathe in the surroundings one moment at a time? My guess is not very often. If you’re like many of us humans, you’re always rushing to the next appointment, meeting or grocery store to mindlessly choose your next meal that you won’t even get to enjoy because you’ll rush through that too. I wanted to revisit the topic of slowing down today. I want to stop focusing on things we “shouldn’t” or “can’t” and start believing more in what we “could” or “can.” Finding Strength in Vulnerability I love a good book. What are some of your favorites? Recently, I’ve been reading Feel The Fear…And Do It Anyway. I’m sure you can see how it’s reflected in these recent writings. But that’s what this blog is about, after all. My learnings and findings and understanding of what in the world we’re going through as humans and to share that with you, my friend. This trip away from the world has given me ample opportunities to become more vulnerable with my partner and with myself as well. (We talked about that a lot more in the last post if you’d like to check it out). Oftentimes we will suppress those feelings of fear, of doubt, of anxiety to impress or prove to others around us that we are more brave or fearless than we actually are. I wanted to let you know that being afraid of something is okay. It is okay to be vulnerable. It is okay to look at the world with question and ask others their opinions or understanding of it all. They’d probably be happy you asked, because they are probably feeling that same thing. So, why not be the one to begin the conversation? Because I’ve “felt the fear and did it anyway,” on this trip, (within reason, of course), I’ve gotten to paddle board for the first time with my husband. Not only paddle boarding, but to a tiny oasis below our campsite that had a massive ancient cave with a secret beach inside of it. I’ve gotten to feel more comfortable in my own skin talking to him about how important it is to need support through this new vulnerability and to be able to learn from him as well. You see, we need others to feel validated. We do not need to do every single thing on our own in this life. We need to be independent when those times arise, but we also need to feel at ease leaning on others when it is necessary. If I didn’t have the support of my incredible other half, I may have taken months or even years longer to start down this path of true freedom from fear, anxiety and doubt. Lean into your support, you don’t have to shy away from it. Your person doesn’t have to be your spouse. It can be a friend, a parent, a loved one, a teacher, a therapist, whatever you feel comfortable with. It can even be yourself in the mirror if you’d prefer to keep things private and focus on self-talk. The choice is yours of where to begin, but don’t delay. The time, energy and awareness I’ve felt through being more vulnerable and becoming more comfortable and confident has completely changed my outlook on this life. I’ve become more aware of my surroundings and more in awe by Mother Nature and more obsessed with learning and becoming my higher self. I want you to have those feelings, too. Related: Shining Light on Stress and Mental Health Barriers: Lessons Learned From the Solar Eclipse Letting Go and Living Fully We can do amazing things. We can conquer anything that we want. It’s always been within reach, we are just too afraid to let go of what we feel comfortable with. We feel the fear and back away, we say we “can’t,” or that we “shouldn’t” because we are to concerned of the outcome instead of just enjoying the ride. My goal is to always become better at “going with the flow.” It’s something I’ve been actively working on for years. Seeing what happens instead of wondering and questioning “what if” has given me so many more days of bliss and happiness, so many less days of anger and frustration and lashing out at others. It’s been amazing. I promise it’s better on the other side. A lot of us use an escape to mask these feelings though. Escapes such as over-exercising (without knowledge of how to properly do so), such as coping with our “hard days” by drinking or another form of addiction. These escapes only highlight those feelings of doubt…they only increase your “stuck” feelings instead of letting them go. I used to feel that way. I used to mask my fear and doubt with alcohol. I used to drink when I felt uncomfortable and make sure it was always there, “just in case,”…almost like a security blanket. That’s madness. This spring I stopped using alcohol as a coping mechanism and started using my own courage to begin putting myself in these uncomfortable situations. I stopped worrying about bringing it on vacations and stopped ordering it every time we go out to eat. I stopped treating it like a normal thing and started looking at it for what it is, poison to my mind and body. (I want to remind the reader really quick that this is purely my own experience. This does not mean I am an expert in this field, only that I want to share my own learned knowledge and understanding of what it means to me and why I’ve changed the course. Please keep that in mind while continuing on,
Reclaiming My Life: The Fight Against Anxiety Part 1
Hey guys. We have talked a lot about self-growth on this blog, but I wanted to share with you a little more about my more recent vulnerabilities that I’ve been experiencing. As a human, we all have our flaws. We all have comfort zones and levels to push past on a daily and regular basis. As I sit here with you tonight, I admit that I indulged in some stress gummies to calm my nerves as the later the night goes on, the more my anxiety gets the best of me. These comfort zones come in all forms and start on many levels, so let’s talk about those this evening as I work on some of my own. Shall we? As the Stars Shine, Darkness of Anxiety Sets In As children, we usually feel invincible, we do things without thinking about the consequences, we push past limits on a regular basis without even realizing it, and we typically need help less and less as we grow up. Some of us on the other hand, (like myself), am overthinking every single thing about my current situation because well, my brain has went from relax mode to high alert because it is now completely dark outside and I’m outside of the limits of where we usually stay on vacations. Tonight, we are 5 nights into our trip and staying at a beautiful, secluded off-grid cabin. In the daytime, its views are unmatched. The sands flow around you while the desert vegetation blows gently in the wind. The landscape is so picturesque it feels like you’re in a painting or a postcard. We had dehydrated chicken Alfredo for dinner with sparkling water and cookies that we brought in for dessert. We watched the sunset together and read outside before it concluded. It’s been an amazing evening. But here we are, less than 1 hour into the darkness and I’m having a mini panic attack every time my husband asks if we can go outside soon to view the incredible dark sky with stars all around. …Why does this happen? Does it happen to all of us? Do we have a shut off switch to turn off the panic mode and keep it locked in relaxation? Where do you fall on this scale of anxiety, this fear of the unknown? What is your comfort zone? Related: Breaking Through The Pressure Of Society’s Expectations The Weight of Anxiety as a Child and as an Adult A long time ago when I was a child it was the same. I remember always needing someone to help me when things got just a little scary and I just don’t know why. It’s aggravating now as an adult to think back and wonder why I couldn’t just “grow up.” You see, we all face different challenges in life. We all handle them differently and we all adapt to them as we age. It’s where we’re willing to go to shut down that fear, that anxiety, that unnecessary stress. It’s how far and how hard we want to move past these bothersome challenges that tie us to an anchor of uncomfortable condemnation. Before we even left the airport, before we even checked into our stays, I felt the anxiety creeping in. I continued to push it down deep…but I also am trying something new this time around. I’m trying to intentionally put myself in these uncomfortable situations. Crazy, right? I used to think so, too. Nowadays, I think more clearly about my current standing with fear and with suppressing that angst. Nowadays, I want to push through the damn thing. Because frankly, I’m just plain old tired of feeling this way. Related: Shining Light on Stress and Mental Health Barriers: Lessons Learned From the Solar Eclipse Taking the First Step Against Anxiety What have you done lately that has been uncomfortable? When have you felt like you have intentionally challenged yourself in this life? Most often, we dislike being uncomfy, so we just continue on throughout our day, doing the usual thing over and over and living a (in my opinion), more mundane, boring lifestyle. As the kids say today, (I don’t actually know, because I’m not a kid anymore, boo to that), you only live once. …or not, who actually knows? I’ve decided in these last few years that I want to stop pretending I’m fearless, even though I live in fear in certain situations. I want to start being more of myself around my loved ones, showing my true feelings even when they show my weakness, and start putting myself in places, situations and opportunities that make me move through those feelings. Basically, I want to start feeling totally and completely, free. To be free is to be alive, to be alive is to feel everything, to feel everything is to be okay with becoming more vulnerable. I’m starting to learn that I can handle that better than I’d thought. Try one thing this week to show a loved one that you are uncomfortable, talk to them and hear what their opinions are on how you can move through whatever it is that’s been bothering you. I know you can do this. I know you have it in you to handle whatever vulnerability lies in your way of becoming your most comfortable you. You just need to take the first step. Thank You for Reading Today’s Fight Against Anxiety I want to thank all my readers and supporters who have traveled with me on my journey so far including today’s post about fighting against anxiety. If you need help with your fight with anxiety, the National Alliance on Mental Illness has some great resources. Have you had to fight anxiety in your life? Want more tips? Let us know.
Learning to Gain Freedom in The Mind, Body, And Spirit
Lately we talked about letting go of the chaos in our lives. Have you made any changes since then? Today I’d like to talk a little about the ones I’ve made so far, and how they’ve since affected my overall well-being. I’m sleeping better, I have *slightly* less anxiety, and my home is becoming less stressed. If you haven’t so far, what changes could you make in the next week to see a better outcome in the next month? Let’s talk about it. Quest for Balance When we as humans feel unstoppable, it’s a great feeling. It’s also a feeling that can eventually cause us to hit a wall, since the fact is, that we are only human. It’s hard to face this reality at times, especially in the 2020s. Everything moves quickly, life is so fast-paced every second of every day. And if you’re lucky, the angst hasn’t hit you yet. The world keeps turning even if we do catch the bug, but learning how to then manage it throughout our day to day can be another monster. Finding that balance in all that we do is the hardest task I’ve faced yet as an adult, and my goal in this blog is to help at least one more person through it. We make changes, we live with them. Then we make more changes, and we live with those. We tidy, clean up, fix our broken homes and broken souls, only to be met with yet another challenge at the finish line. It’s endless. But I’m here for you. Finding balance is something we’re told by therapists, healers, self-care books and talk show hosts. It’s no secret anymore that self-care is to be prioritized over all else. The more we consume however, the less we remember to embrace the life that’s unfolding before us. We get so sucked in by their verbiage, their excellent branding, celebrities showing us “how to” live a life that’s full, while they don’t even have a full life themselves. What even is a full life? What does that mean to you?? Related: Lost and Found: Finding Yourself and Gaining Clarity In Life Freedom is the Answer Long ago I thought it meant having more freedom. Freedom to gain more things, more knowledge and more access to things I couldn’t reach. At nearly 33 years young, I’m beginning to realize that I had been partially right in my youth. Freedom is the answer. Freedom is the thing to strive for. Being emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, and completely free. That is now what my goal in this life is. Becoming free. Isn’t that something we’ve always strived for as humans? Trigger warning, we’re going to get deep here and talk about something that may jump into topics of uncomfortableness. Whatever race we are, gender, ethnicity or country we’re from, we’ve all strived to become free of reigns from another person, place, company or country has given us. We have gone so far as to fight wars for it. So many as 260 major wars in the world alone since WW1. That’s mind-blowing. How many of those did you know of? We fought for freedom is many different ways. Wherever you are in the world right now, you probably know of one going on not too far away. Today, in September of 2024, we have a different freedom to chase however. The freedom to change our outlook on life, to live life to the fullest, to embrace pure happiness and fulfillment in our days. But how does one accomplish such a task? The Myth of Freedom Freedom from ourselves is the necessary evil. As children, we are malleable. We twist and turn with every new experience, allowing those experiences to shape our lives. We become molded by the world around us, by our community, our peers, our loved ones. Those things all become us. They show us “how to” be in the world. “How to” live a happy life. How to “gain freedom.” Therefore, by the time we are grown into adults, life becomes a blur. A blur of who we are “supposed to be,” how we are “supposed to act,” when we are “supposed to hold our tongue or act out.” We cannot grasp when we are locked in our own chambers because we are so entwined by all the rules of the world that we’re too busy to even notice. Once we break free of these invisible chains, we are able to let go. Once we have begun finding our truest selves, only then can we become who we were actually meant to be in this life. We can then form our own plans, thoughts, and opinions. We can then put these plans into place and begin to start acting the way we feel most comfortable, instead of being told what comfortable is supposed to look like. Recently, I’ve begun this journey, and I’m taking you along for the ride. Related: Understanding The Meaning Of Life & Letting Go Of The Chaos Want True Freedom? Be a Dog My journey today looks something like this. I try a little more each day to embrace Mother Nature. I try a little more each day to take just a few moments of self-care between working and spending time on my relationship. After all, you cannot be in a thriving relationship with someone else, if you have never dealt with the relationship problems within yourself. I work on keeping less things, less clutter in my home. I find more time to just jump around with my dogs even if it’s just for 3 minutes a day. Dogs are so happy to be alive. They are just pure bliss. Have you ever just started jumping around your dog? They will match your energy in a heartbeat. They are simple creatures that just enjoy every moment that they can get. We should start learning to take something away from those experiences. They nap a lot too. Something I’m also trying to
Understanding The Meaning Of Life & Letting Go Of The Chaos
Hello friends. I’m sure that none of us really know the true meaning to life, but this is my current take on it. Take it, leave it, or provide some context of your own in the comment section. Whatever journey it is that you’re on, let’s travel that road together and realize that it was created uniquely for each one of us, after all. Let’s take a look at what life and should be while coping with chaos. Navigating Your Own Chaos I’ve been dealing with a lot of chaos lately. I keep thinking someday it’ll just stop coming on, but then it creeps back in when I least need it to. This is pretty common in 2024, with anxiety and stress-related diseases on the rise. But, how do we control the chaos so that we can become healthier individuals? How do we cope with the constant angst that’s around us? That’s what I’m trying to figure out. How to prevent it, how to navigate through it, and how to overcome it once and for all. What does chaos look like to you? To me, chaos is clutter. Chaos is the messy room I’ve been meaning to get to for an eternity. Chaos is the dishes piling up or laundry overflowing or litter needing changed. It comes in the form of dust bunnies and streaks on the mirror and no zen in my home. It forms into a huge bubble of chaos instead of calmness and I’ve just simply had enough of it. The hardest thing to cope with though, is how to create a lifestyle of chaos-free balance. How do we get to the point of no return (meaning to me, no chaos longer present). Should we clean more? Should we dedicate even more of this precious life tidying up and ticking off to-dos? I used to be extremely one-sided on this idea. Yes, I thought, I need to always be working on having a clean home, a tidy living area, a zen feeling about my abode. You know that one house you always went to growing up that just exuded good vibes and near to no negativity. It had clean carpets and smelly-good aromas floating about the place. It embodied a clean, comfortable, consistently beautiful living space. I wanted that. I still want that. Related: Reigniting The Feeling: Visiting Your Previous Self & Understanding What’s Changed Reality Checks Can be Messy Many moons ago when I was just a kid, I told myself I didn’t really care much about tidying up. Cleaning was no fun and fun was all I wanted to embark upon. As a teen and young adult, I felt exactly the same. It wasn’t until I started a serious relationship that I really wanted to prove to myself that I was an adult, and therefore could aptly obtain a well-manicured home. I was wrong. All I’ve done since then was create more stress, more anxiety, and alas, more chaos. Imagine that. I don’t know what it is when you become a spouse that you have this feeling of “I need to get my shit together” and therefore need to change the way I am. Not that I was specifically trying to change the way I was, more so how I was attempting to appear that said shit was indeed intact. Let’s not beat around the bush here, nobody’s perfect. We all have our flaws, some more serious than others. One of mine is that I constantly strive for approval, a “good job,” a pat on the back to validate my actions…it’s bull shit and I hate it. There’s nothing wrong with needing validation in life, we need it in several ways each and every day to understand that we are in fact not crazy psycho people with a passion for seeking approval. However, I am here to tell you that doing so for an extended period of time is not healthy. At least for me, it hasn’t proved to be. As of late, I’ve been consistently stressing about my home. The way it was, the way it is, the way it should be. I stress about the mess and the clutter and the cleaning and all my spouse does is listen (while helping, mind you), and remind me that there are other things in life to be more concerned about. Now. I don’t like to admit it, but sometimes he is right… Why do I really care about the few dishes in the sink when the sun is shining and we’re both off early? We could be walking our furballs, embarking on a hike, enjoying our time over an early dinner out. But instead, I sit hesitating every decision wondering if I’m making the right one. And do you know what? By the time I’m done with all of that overthinking, we could have been doing what I loved most in past times. Having fun. Related: Habitual Growth: Looking Back And Moving Forward 10 Quick Ideas for Adulting Fun Fun is something we’ve forgotten about as adults. Fun is something we now forego in lieu of cleaning, cooking, and letting in the chaos. Why don’t we make a pact right here, right now, to start introducing at least one fun thing into our days going forward. You in? Here are a few ideas to get us started: 1. Kayaking – if it’s a beautiful day, check out a local lake to rent a kayak for 2 hours. It’s usually $15 or so and a well spent afternoon alone or with your significant other. 2. Baking – Cold outside? Learn to bake! It’s way more affordable and there’s just something so rewarding about enjoying a freshly baked loaf of bread kneaded by yours truly. 3. Crochet/knit/cross stitch – If you don’t know how to do this, crocheting is the easiest to start up with in my opinion. I used to spend several hours just letting time pass relaxing with some hot chocolate. It’s the most peaceful feeling when
Breaking Through The Pressure Of Society’s Expectations
Sometimes I wonder how I got here. How did my liver decline to the point of needing to reverse it? How am I nearly 33 years old without one single child? Did I do something wrong? Or is this somehow all actually more right than I would like to give it credit for? These are the things I think about as a middle-aged female millennial. These are the overthinking, anxiety-inducing, stress-causing burdens that blur out the everyday tasks that we all blindly walk through…can you relate? Do you feel pressured by society to fit into a certain circle? Do you feel like if you were actually your truest self that it may not sit well with others? Why are we designed this way? And better yet, how do we do better? The Pressures of the Grind and Burnout I stare blankly at my brick walled fireplace wondering why this migraine persists although I am “not stressed.” It’s as if somehow the longer I stare, the more I find answers from within. We talked about this recently on the blog. About how we are all so busy all of the time. About how it’s nearly impossible to find time to “self-care” let alone to let yourself think. Meditation comes in many forms… Today, I fear I’m still facing the burnout. It lasts awhile, you see. Because for some amazing reason the human body is resilient. For some reason, even though every single morning when my alarm goes off for the daily grind, and I promise myself if I’m out earlier than expected that I WILL ABSOLUTELY nap…I don’t. I wait and wait and push and push until the point where the migraine sets in, until the point where all I can do is blankly stare at fireplaces hoping for the next adrenaline rush to kick in. But eventually, those run out…or the Red Bulls do. Why do we do this to ourselves? We’re all guilty of it in some way. Whether you run miles each day or bike in the gym classes or work 3 jobs to make ends meet. It looks like a busy parent at the end of the day low on coffee and high on advil. It’s the teacher frustrated that they can’t do more to share their skills. It looks like the teller at the bank dreading the next workday in this monotonous world they live in. We skip from rock to rock, trudging through life as if we’re on one of those long moving walkways that you see in airports…(and other busy places). It’s a theme, you see. The more busy life becomes, the more we’re unknowingly put on autopilot. Do you really want to live that way? More From HB: Unlearning A Fixed Mindset: Leaving Old Habits Behind The Questions Society Puts On Us My guess is no. No, you do not. At least I’m not going to. That’s one of the reasons for starting this blog. To track, to understand, to learn and evolve and hopefully help a few others along the way. This is a health blog, both mentally and physically. This is a mindfulness blog, a fitness and gardening and foodie blog, a being a freaking human in the world blog. Are you with me? So many times we’re told we have to choose. We have to dedicate all or nothing to one sport, one activity, one hobby, one topic, one job. I call BS. We are beautiful beings made of stardust and water for effs sake. Why in the universe are we limiting ourselves?? What is behind the pressure I feel to be a mom at a certain age? Why do I feel like if I don’t have kids by the time I’m 35 all hell will break loose and my body “won’t bounce back?” Why can’t I just feel comfortable trusting the process that I’m on the path that I need to be so that I can get my mind, body, and spirit in check before bringing another life into this world? If you feel it’s right, it probably is. Go with your gut, it’s your second brain after all. What is it that you’re looking for in life? What is it that you want to do now, 10 years from now, 50 years from now? Think big. Who’s stopping you, really? I don’t know what to title this post yet. It’s still a mystery. That’s why I love writing. It’s basically like life, in tiny little letters on your digital screen. Changing, rearranging, fixing, undoing, adding. There’s always something different that comes to mind to improve upon. So, instead of continuing to redline on the verge of bursting out of your skin, find something you can create. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally. Let it take over and just grow wild. Who cares what they think, no one knows who “they” is anyway. My two cents is to start focusing on you. Stop being busy for the sake of being busy and let the universe guide you into who you need to be in this lifetime. Who do you think you were meant to be, anyway? Finding the Right Outlet I want to be an emotional writer, a good wife, a pet mom furever and someday a mom of more humans, a kind person, a helpful daughter, a fun soul, a big sister. I want to start embracing myself in ways I haven’t yet done. I’ve come a long way on my journey so far, but I’ve got miles and miles to go to the finish line…and there’s a whole lot of doing I have yet to do. If you’re a creative you may understand what I’m saying. I call it the “squeezy head” syndrome. It was derived from my previous dog, he would literally get so overwhelmed at times that he would squeeze his little forehead in such excitement and anxiety. That’s exactly how I feel sometimes. I get this feeling that my head is just full of ideas
Reigniting The Feeling: Visiting Your Previous Self & Understanding What’s Changed
Have you ever gotten stuck? I would almost guarantee that you’ve gotten stuck somewhere along this journey called life. It’s mental hell sometimes, and you know what? I’m right there with you. We’re going deeper today to look at experiencing a spiritual awakening. Are you ready? — A few years ago my spiritual life changed. I woke up one day from a nap with one of my current and one of my previous dogs. I was face down, and woke up in such a shift that I can literally still feel it. They say these things only happen in movies, or that people make them up. I don’t believe that anymore. Because it’s happened to me twice. The first time was over a decade ago. I was out the night before, drinking heavily and drowning in whatever sorrows I laid out at the time. This sucked, that sucked, everything sucked, so because of that, I tuned it all out. But I do remember one distinct memory, having a red solo cup of whatever that was with a person I once knew. The next morning I woke up the same exact way. Face down, pulling away from my bed inhaling hard and fast. I was having a panic attack, and visited the hospital a short time later. Soon after this experience, I planned my move home, started over, and met my future husband on the 2nd to last day I was in town. Talk about some unique timing. Now some of you may read this and think I’m talking about experiencing a spiritual awakening. And maybe that’s what it was. I’m going to chalk it up though to some not so great life choices and then a shift that pushed me into becoming a better person for myself and for those around me. It took some time, a lot of time. Discovering who I was and who I am and who I still will be is taking some hardcore efforts. You would think this kind of stuff should just come preprogrammed in your subconscious, right? Unfortunately, we just ride the rollercoaster until it takes us for a spin that’s not so fun and tells us to turn ourselves around. I feel like most all of you could relate in at least one way or another. This was the first turnaround for me. The first oh shit moment that propelled me into a “grown-up” life and realizing that I needed to start taking myself seriously. The next came a few years back as I mentioned previously, and this one I would actually consider a spiritual awakening…have you had one? Related: Unlearning A Fixed Mindset: Leaving Old Habits Behind For some, experiencing a spiritual awakening might feel like a sudden realization or deep shift in perspective. It’s often described as a transformative event that can alter one’s view on life and personal purpose. I’m talking about the moment you discover you’re meant for more, meant to enjoy life, not just live it. I’m talking about those moments that flutter so quickly by each day because we’re moving too damn fast to really live in them. You know the ones. Those are the ones you look back on and dread because you forgot they even existed. You hate yourself for always being “too busy” or dedicated to the grind and the hustle that it’s actually caused you to demolish any sense of reality you have left. It’s the times spent looking back on our time spent. It’s relishing in the moments we lived through so hastily and wanting them back so badly. It looks different to everyone, but it happens to most every human. We forget our passion projects, our love for things, our drive to do something. When I had that awakening, I woke up that morning and the first thought that came to me was that I needed to see a therapist. But not just any kind. I wasn’t even sure what kind. So, like any modern day millennial, I started googling. I scrolled for awhile until stumbling on a girl from a town I used to reside in. How ironic, I thought. Life just became full circle. I called immediately and was disappointed that she didn’t answer right away. You see, that’s the problem. We have such immediate gratitude these days, that waiting on absolutely anything that we want right freaking now, is a whole anxiety inducing experience. She eventually called back, and we set up a video call to see if we were the right fit. 3 years later, I still see her every few months. — Yesterday I was talking to a friend about how my creative mind was coming up dry. I have been frustrated for weeks because I loathe putting out content that isn’t authentic. I don’t write just for the sake of writing, I write because I love it. It’s freeing, magnificent, stress-relieving, and therapeutic. I write online because I want others to understand they’re not alone in this ridiculous world and that I feel what they feel. I write to strangers on the internet because we’re all alike more than we think. We all self-ridicule, criticize, compare and forget to relate. We focus on others success and forget that we have so many of our own to be proud of. During this conversation, I realized that the reason I’d been having writers block is because I forgot what I was passionate about. I forgot how important this blog, this journey was to begin with. I forgot why I started it. If you’re new here, I’ll share a quick reminder. A little while ago I experienced what I thought was a stroke. Turns out I was just stressed to the max and didn’t even know it. I’m pretty sure 90% of the population is the same way, which is why heart disease is so popular. We overwork, overcomplicate, and overbook ourselves literally to death and I’m here to stop myself *again* from doing that. Related: The