Why Staying True To Natural Intentions Can Allow Room For Personal Growth
Hey guys. I’ve been wanting to say thank you for some time now, but today just felt like the right day, so, here we are. If you’re wondering why I’m saying thank you, it’s because I genuinely appreciate each and every single human being that travels digitally to follow along this journey with me while learning how to balance our habits. Every day seems to get a little more interesting and a little less of a struggle with the adulting world of self-exploration, so I wanted to show my gratitude today by embracing the community that we are all a true part of. <3 Passions and Personal Growth Sometimes life feels weird and gets you in uncomfy situations. It catapults you up and down like a rollercoaster and makes you continuously question why you’ve made the steps you have to get into the next phase of this life. But only when you begin to absorb those daily lessons and apply them with gratitude, do you begin to view things in a different light. What is your current uncomfy situation? Let’s talk about that in the comments if you’re open to sharing. Recently on HB’s facebook page I asked what topics you’re most interested in learning about. It was amazing to see just how many people would like to hear more about topics related to travel. I am 110% game for that being that travel is one of my most favorite things to do. However. I also want to stay true to HB’s true intentions on this blog, which is self-development, personal growth, and finding our true passions along this journey of life. And because of that, those will be sprinkled in along the way as well. Because without growth, without passion and development, we cannot truly embrace and experience all of that which travel can really bring us. Here are my top 5 current passions if you’re wondering: Travel (Enjoying all of earth’s natural beauty and putting this on my to-do list as often as possible) Competing in BJJ (Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and reigniting my competitive spirit) (new post on this to come if there’s any ladies out there looking for some inspo!) Hiking (Staying active in nature and soaking up natural vitamin D more often) Mental Health (Maintaining the foundation and allowing more room for growth) Physical Growth (Pushing my boundaries physically) What are your top 5 passions? (These cannot include family/friends/pets/etc). Related: Looking Internally – Rediscovering Your Why & Why It’s So Important To Growth Attitude of Gratitude Without creating situations in our lives that create discomfort, we are forced to stay stagnant and uncomfortable in a whole different sense. Discomfort that eventually will bring disease and doubt in ourselves to stay the course once we’ve dug ourselves too deep in a hole that we need help getting out of. Habitual Balance isn’t just about feeling good on the outside while we travel the world or hike in nature, it’s also about feeling good inside, and knowing when to put yourself first instead of grinding and grinding until you come in dead last. It’s okay to be selfish when it comes to your mental and physical health. It’s okay to be kind to your mind and enjoy a restorative day instead of venturing out in the world of people. So I want you to focus more often on realizing your deepest intentions and finding what fears you’re facing so that you can confront them and move into the next chapter of your life. Being human is incredible, we have a million and one things to be thankful for every moment we breathe. Here is what I’m thankful for from you: Being supportive of this personal growth Feeling supported along your own path Engaging with the HB community and connecting with others who share the same mindset Being in the drivers seat of your own awareness and understanding of what needs accomplished Recognizing how to keep an open mind while you browse through another’s journey online I started this blog because I not only feel the desire to help another like-minded soul embrace their own journey, but to also keep myself accountable and updated on how I’ve been or how I am currently feeling on my own path. I want to share my story so that others like you know they are not alone on what they’re going through. Habitual Balance is About Community Growth Too There are so many false positives in the world today with social media knocking at our screens 159 times per day (yes, that’s an actual statistic), that we have to wonder what is truly real anymore. Who is actually happy on the other end of that screen and how many individuals are actually going through something traumatic but are too fearful to share it with their “peers” on their following? I want to be real with you guys. To be empathetic to your own stories and want you to be able to fully embrace mine. I want you to feel seen and for myself to feel seen through the eyes of others going through so many of the same things. So often we judge someone on their external appearance (through real life or through a filtered screen), that we mistakenly never notice when they are actually reaching out for help. Habitual Balance is not only about reaching balance in your habits, but also about how to sense when your community is in need and what you can do to lend a helping hand. Self-growth is both inward and outward personal growth. They are one in the same. Meaning that it’s okay to be selfish and focus on your own growth, but try to not leave others in the dust at the same time. Remember who they are to you and how they’ve helped you get to be the you that you are today. We are nothing without our community. Did you catch that? It is okay to
Here’s 5 Reasons Why You Need To Be Your Own Best Friend
Hey you fabulous person you. Go ahead, pat yourself on the back because only you can fix your uncomfy situation, and by being here, with a like-minded person going through the same things, is step one. For reals friend, you’ve already recognized that your situation is less than ideal, so you went searching on the web to find someone going through the same things. That’s where I come in! Your bff from afar, I’m here to support you along the weird and winding way. Whatever it is that you’re going through, just remember that you are in control of your outcomes. Here are 5 reasons why being your own best friend is so important. Balancing Flow Vs. Control You may be like, but Shelby, you’re sounding hella contradictive from last post, that talked all about how we need to let go more often and enjoy the flow of life more frequently. How we can thrive from not over planning and overthinking about each and every last detail. And that’s totally true. BUT. YOU ARE IN CONTROL of what decisions you make along this flow of life, and where you end up in your future. So, let’s talk about becoming more balanced in our habits regarding control vs. the flow. First of all, let me preface this by stating that it’s taken me *literal years* to understand that me, myself and I can make shit happen. And sometimes, that shit can be scary… But the best part about the scary parts is that we get to work through them. We get to understand the conflict and rise up on the other side. We get to realize our true potential and learn how to knock down barriers along the way. If you can start replacing that one little word, trust me it’ll make a world of difference. But besides that, I want you to recognize that barriers take time to build up, which also means that they’re going to take time to tear down. So don’t get discouraged, because I’ve got your back. Hey Friend, Start Putting Yourself First We talked in the last post about how life doesn’t always seem to hit perfectly every time. And although I do feel I’m on the right track to my life-lasting happiness, no one can ever understand what it is that actually gets us there. We may think that we need to have these grand plans and giant steps in the business world or with our families to check into the next level up. That we have to “have it all figured out” by the time we’re 30, and in the process make sure that said families don’t hate us or want to disown us for embracing different beliefs as we grow into our own new person. But you see, that’s not true at all. The more we grow and learn and acquire throughout life, the more we can interpret it into our own little unique situations. Which in turn, allows us to apply those new found tidbits into daily life and continue creating the best lifestyle we know we can accomplish. I want to inspire anyone reading this to start putting themselves first. Now I’d like to consider myself an empathetic person because I literally feel bad for every single thing, bug, plant, and human being on this planet. It’s sort of annoying at times. But guess what? As they say, no one’s coming to save you. And therefore, you my friend, need to save yourself. Related: Learning To Walk Through Struggle: Realizing My Journey Is My Own 5 Tips For Being Your Own Best Friend So, how do we go about all this lah-dee-dah-dee self-saving? Check out this handy-dandy list. It’ll get things started. Allow love in. This was a hard one for me. It seems so simple, right? But for a long time I (didn’t even realize) that I had a huge ugly wall up that was causing me to lash out at people I cared about. It was very uncool, but once I understood that to love myself more I needed to allow more love in from others, my life began to shift into more smiles and less RBF. Find your most authentic self, and love the shit out of them. Correct, similar to the first point, you have to surround yourself with people who love you for who you actually are, because if you don’t, you’ll likely be googling “what is imposter syndrome” in 20 years. Just be you, mmkay? Create “me time…” and STOP feeling guilty about it. Why is it that we harp on ourselves when things pop up that actually require some space? Why is it that we feel bad about carving out any tiny moment for making our hearts happy? Can we stop labeling “me time” as faulty time management and start embracing the extra minutes in the day doing something that we love, just for fun? Keep reminders, like, of everything. Guys, I’m sure we all probably have a love/hate relationship with AI and Alexa and Siri and Google Assistant and Chatgpt…BUT. Hear me out. Let’s begin to beat the haters at their own game by being on top of ours. Instead of being late to meetings, write them DOWNNNN girl. Instead of being late to an appointment, add them to your calendar right away and even go as far as including the location so all you have to do is click on your GPS. Start putting yourself first and making sure you have time to prepare even for the most mundane of tasks. At the end of the day, you’ll feel refreshed and less stressed knowing that you didn’t have to rush that day or miss something of importance. Because YOU have got your own back. BOOM. 😎 “No” is a complete sentence. An oldy, but goody. We’ve heard it, probably said it to others jokingly, and maybe even used the phrase to make fun in a conversation. But I’m serious, friends! I just used it the other day. I don’t remember what for, but that’s the beauty of it. It
When You Quit Trying to Control, You Can Begin Living
Will it ever be easy? Letting something go? Whether it be a person, place or thing, even a pet, it’s hard to let things go when they constantly weigh on you. So instead, we grab onto the control button because it’s the next best thing to determine our fate. Or is it? Even though we’ll feel in control for a little while, it’s bound to break after so long. Then the spiraling will begin again and we’ll wonder how it slipped so easily through our fingers. Control is a beast, but we can manage to escape it just like everything is. All we have to do is learn how to let go. I Had It All Figured Out 10 years ago I had this Suzie homemaker dream kit in my mind of how I wanted to live my life. I had everything planned out, perfectly spaced in my head so that I could make it all “work.” That plan was flawed though, because I forgot to include something in the plan. Life. No matter how much we try to control it, it always ends up controlling us in the end. So, maybe we should just start letting that happen from the beginning instead? When I had made those initial plans, freshly married and in our cute little second apartment, I had no idea that it would turn out any differently than how I wanted it. You see, life has a funny way of circling back around, which I imagine is what is happening now as I think back to those moments and wonder why certain plans don’t end up the way you foresee them to. I was going to make everything from scratch. I was going to grow a huge garden. I was going to live as off-grid as I could because I knew better. But, as my dad continues to remind me throughout the years, only aging can prove to you that you did not, in fact, know better. (Thanks for being right dad). Discovering How To Have Gratitude For Any And All Of Life’s Bounties Life Finds a Way The difference now is, that I don’t feel as though I missed out or lost time. I only feel that it went to fast and that maybe I could have approached certain situations a little differently. I would have liked to grown my knowledge more about some topics such as gardening and homesteading in my 20s, but here I am in my 30s doing so anyway. Sometimes it just takes life figuring itself out for us to realize that all the stops along the way did actually need to happen for us to circle back around with a better mindset to living our lives. Although the same goals are in my future, I have a much different game plan for them and understanding of how I want to enact them. I see time differently as well, knowing that I should make the most of it but also being balanced and mature enough to realize time for rest when my mind or body needs it. Controlling My Goals If I had controlled all of those goals perfectly from the beginning, I’d have never gotten to experience beautiful things such as bringing life-changing pets into my life, understanding what it’s like to own a home, recognizing that I actually loathe the corporate world as a bee-bopping entrepreneur, and realizing that only I can make my dreams come true by working on myself and increasing my emotional maturity along the way. What are your goals and dreams? Have you already set the path forward for them? Quit Trying to Control Everything I have encountered so many people over the years that try to micromanage every aspect of their lives. Themselves, their families, their careers, their homes…maybe we could invite a little more play into the mix and stop becoming so stressed about every minute detail on the calendar. Maybe we could give others a little more empathy in understanding that they’re probably more like us than we’d care to admit. And maybe, we could start working on ourselves a little more each day so that we can actually achieve said goals and dreams instead of just waiting around wishing for them to come true. 5 Steps To Achieving Your Goals and How I’m Planning Mine So many of us get into the extremes of life as soon as the alarm goes off. We start our day with agony and depression and stress before we even plant our feet on the floor. We let small disruptions that don’t really matter completely wreck and ruin our entire day or even week sometimes, only to momentarily hit reset on Sunday evening just hoping this one will be better than the rest. Real Living Starts When You Quit Trying to Control I’ve watched friends sink into circles of doubt in themselves because they wonder why they feel stuck. They become a part of the problem instead of trying to resolve it. They choose to continue stressing about situations that no longer require their attention. They decide to drag themselves into conflicts that happened years or even decades ago without even realizing that those memories are simply that, memories. I want to encourage anyone reading this to experience life in its beauty. To embrace the little blunders in life instead of working against them. Please begin showing yourself love and care and empathy and understanding, because the only one that can get you out of those situations is yourself. You have to be stronger than you think. But I know you can do it. Once we let go of the discomforts, once we let go of trying to control, once we let go of feeling bad for ourselves will we truly have the opportunity to grow and connect with our best self. Until then, we need to just continue taking one step at a time and becoming a little bit better every day. We can
Discovering How To Have Gratitude For Any And All Of Life’s Bounties
Hello my friends! As I was in the Lowes parking lot today, I had no intention of coming out with anything but a few cases of water. You see, I missed our last water delivery, so I’ve been needing to pick more before the next drop off. (I know I know, #firstworldproblems). However, I ended up leaving with an entire flat cart full of natures bounties. Although Lowes isn’t my go-to stop for indulging in new nature-inspired decor or plant-life, it just happened to be the best place I could have ended up today, because it taught me something. Let me tell you what that something is. Discovering how to have gratitude. What Does Gratitude Mean to You? Many moons ago, I relished in materialistic things as I made more and more financially. I didn’t grow up this way, and I don’t really need much to get by. But I did go through a short phase (which I’m sure a lot of us do), where I continued to raise my income and along with it, continued to raise my expenses on useless things. Sure, some of those items are still around, but as my husband and I chatted about this last night, (ironically enough), we both agreed that most of those things we purchased back then are basically nonexistent in our current lives. We’ve learned a lot over the years, not just about one another, but about ourselves as well. And, when we come together in a thought process like that, it’s really cool to be able to embrace the same feelings together to know that I’m not alone in thinking something. I’m not really sure what is so enticing about spending your hard-earned moolah, but hindsight is 20/20, and lemmmeee tell ya. There’s not a whole lot from my past self’s purchases that I would consider purchasing as my 33 year old self. Although I try to practice the whole, “it brought you joy at the time,” phrase…it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t change things if I could go back. This way of living taught me more about who I am today, so it was beneficial, don’t get me wrong. BUT, I would have definitely indulged way less if I’d have known that the joy those things brought me would soon fade away. What are some instances that you have done the same? Do you have any regrets from past purchases or things you wish you would have done differently? Where I Found My Gratitude These days, I’ve noticed that I enjoy experiences MUCH more than anything else in the world. When I say “experiences,” you may be thinking things like concerts, events, dinners, double dates…but no. My perfect version of a great experience is simply one that I can travel somewhere adventurous with my partner. And, if I can’t go anywhere at the moment due to work obligations, family to-dos, or even just because we want to stay home for a bit, my next favorite experience is to stay home and enjoy my (now 6) furballs. I’ve worked a little bit every day at making it more inviting, more relaxing, and a more comforting space so that when I come home from wherever I was that day, I can simply sink into my comfy clothes and cuddle with my spouse and my pets. Lately, I’ve realized that there’s not enough nature and “life” living inside, (which is probably because we’re so immersed in it when we’re out hiking incredible trails). Because of those adventures, I feel an addiction to get more, but when I can’t go somewhere, I decide to add a little touch of it into my home instead. Adding things like new plant life, a cool fish, a leopard gecko or a bearded dragon (hopefully both of which to come), or even just as simple as grabbing some bags of dirt to breathe in the outside while I’m indoors, or planting tiny seeds into new trays for the spring time. Every year I grow tired of gardening by November, only to then crave doing more of it come February. This is the time that seeds begin to become available again, and my wants to create a beautiful garden once again arise. Today was that day. But not only did I realize that I was excited for planting soon, but just to smell the dirt and feel it with my hands was something that called to me. And, as I was driving home multiple plants in tow, I realized something else…I am so much different than I used to be. Find Gratitude In Yourself Finding yourself is basically the hardest thing you’ll ever do. I speak of this from my own experiences, as I’ve gone through quite a few of those “aha” moments. It’s accepting that change is okay, and that being your complete authentic self is freaking awesome, and when you do so, a whole new world awakens. I found gratitude on that drive home for recognizing the growth in my life. Not only in the difference of purchases, but in the difference of how I perceive things. No more am I led by decisions of others or worry, but finally by decisions of sureness and acceptance. I want you to start feeling the same. Start understanding when it’s okay to pivot and make a change that feels right. Recognize that gratitude can hold many forms and that becoming your best self doesn’t have to look like what you think it does or what the world is telling you it should. Once that feeling flowed through me today, I realized that I am truly happy in my home, with life all around me, and with nature in every corner that I can fit it in. I don’t think that this is embraced enough in the fast-paced, screen-filled world. Even though we’ve made huge strides in the last few decades, I think that millennials especially need to realize that self-love and slowing down is enough. This life
Figuring Out How To Put Pain First: Looking Through A Different Lens
Who said pain was ever a bad thing? I look at it differently these days. This may sound controversial but I use it as motivation to do better, get stronger, and keep pushing my momentum into the great unknown. It has a bad rep but if you sit back and look at the bigger picture, it can move mountains. Distractions Stir Past Pains As I sat thinking how to intro this post today, I started dozing off as I overthought every tidbit that came into my mind. I decided to take a nap, which then landed in some serious distraction (which is what happens EVERY time). Ugh. Sometimes that distraction though is monumental in my efforts to engage in self-reflection. It leads me into a weird world of even deeper thoughts that envelop my current state of consciousness, therefore unfolding a ridiculously giant black hole of new information and ideas. I have no idea how this works. But it works. For some reason my thoughts turned to my grandmother. She passed a while ago and I actually haven’t thought of her too much recently. When she popped into my head, I decided to listen to some old voicemails I had of her. The tears started shortly after. It’s funny, you think you get over some things and then they just rush back in like nothing ever changed. The tears didn’t come until her last message to me…it was almost as if she wasn’t just saying goodbye in the message. It felt real, like she really knew this was going to be the last message I’d listen to over and over when I was feeling in need of her voice and guidance. Some call that a guardian angel, I just called her Gram. She was amazing and creative and beautiful and I still love her so much. After I finished her voicemail, I thought about the pain I felt in those tears of her being gone, and then how alive I feel in times when pain is at its most prevalent in my life. Allow me to explain… Pain is everywhere. We as humans just choose to ignore it most of the time. We push it down deep with pain pills or drugs or alcohol or other ways to mask its existence. I’m telling you to try embracing it. When I hike on cliff sides and my body aches from the miles of torture I’ve put it through, I feel alive. When I roll on a sweat-filled mat with a complete stranger smashing my insides in a BJJ gym, I feel alive. When I embrace the pain and face any fear that I have in my mind or body, I feel alive. So I ask you, why is it that pain scares us? What is it that makes us fearful of succeeding at something we know we can accomplish? Why is it so damn hard to accept that pain actually pushes us forward at times when we need it most? Related: How Self Reflection Helps You Grow as a Person The Pain and Growth Challenge I don’t understand life, and I’m sure you don’t either. But I do my best to relay these weird and circulating thoughts in my brain so that maybe one of you out there in the world can feel you’re not crazy like I used to think I was. It’s a strange world we live in, especially when we think of things like hiding what we really feel in fear of the way the world perceives us. Does it actually matter what most people care about? Do you actually care about what they feel? Probably not. When I lost the loved ones in my life, which there have been too many to count, I thought it was the end of so much. I thought that with my family members, my friends, even my pets. But the thing is, is that it has given me so much opportunity to form new growth. My branches have expanded past what I previously thought was possible because they continue to enhance and breathe stronger into growing new leaves. I’ve paid attention more, focused on studying less, embraced truths and felt more heartaches than I prefer to acknowledge. But the best part? They’ve created pain. And that pain created newfound strengths I didn’t know were underneath it all, all along. What gives you reason to reconsider the pain in your life? Do you have something you believe in that is being squashed by your lack of confidence? Can you do better by embracing what you have learned and applying it toward your future endeavors? I dare you to speak up more often, to challenge new approaches that you don’t agree with and feel the uncomfortable pain that comes along with unacceptance. Be brave, become more bold and start standing for what you believe in. And if that creates some pain in any sense of the word, use it. PS. If you’re still reading, here’s some motivation in the form of an old song. Some of you may know and love it, some of you may realize that Bob Marley was the OG of the first statement. It proves that you don’t need to follow the crowd to get ahead, you don’t need to say yes to everything. Trust the process and trust your gut. And if you hate it, try it anyway. Get uncomfy, friend. Disclaimer: This post is not condoning unnecessary pain. It does not look to endorse pain in a negative manner. It is meant solely for entertainment purposes only, from one person’s perspective, and is meant to show the positive outlook on embracing pain in a positive manner when possible through a shift of one’s mindset to create exponential growth. Related: Breaking Through The Pressure Of Society’s Expectations Have you enjoyed reading about Pain and Growth and how to embrace it all? We truly appreciate you reading today’s post on pain and growth through a new lens. If you enjoyed it, follow Habitual
Personal Growth: The Ultimate Long Game
You think you know yourself and then life goes ahead and slaps you in the face again. WHY? Because well, it can. And it does, repeatedly. It’s times like these that make me step back and realize that even though you thought there was a road there one day, doesn’t mean there can’t be a cliff there another. Long term personal growth is hard and… …maybe it’s time to take that leap you’ve been avoiding, eh? Embracing the Struggle for Long Term Personal Growth (PS – Stay tuned, because next month I’ll be taking my own leap. Check back in January…or subscribe!…to find out what it is!) Let me talk to you today about being stuck. About feeling so stuck that you feel like your skin is crawling. Not in a bad way, but a creative way. As in, you know there is something that is calling to you, you just can’t figure out what it is yet. Maybe it’s because we’re out here searching high and low for it instead of letting the universe drop it in our laps when the time is right. It’s hard when those around you support your successes but also may make you feel unworthy of things as well. Sometimes this can be close friends, co-workers, or even family. Are they jealous? That’s what the default setting is, right? No. I think it’s doubt. I think it’s doubt that who you’ve been or what you’ve done for so long has just sunken into their psyche and now to think that you’ll do something different, something more, is just so out of your reach that it’s now laughable to them. Let them laugh. Keep focusing on your own journey, your own growth. Keep realizing your own potential at your own pace because NO ONE ELSE can do it for you. Each time I encounter these people in my life, it only pushes me further. Let them inspire you. Let their doubt be the reason you succeed. When we condition ourselves to live in this bubble of frustration and stress and angst and upset, it pulls us down. It ruins our good moods and the moods of those around us, so you know what? I’m starting to go against the grain and embrace it. I’ve learned little by little not to care about certain comments and to know when it’s okay to stay quiet. For me, this is when I learn, when I process, when I internalize my feelings and thoughts and get what I call “a squeezy headache.” Maybe that sounds stupid to you, but we all have it in some way, shape or form. It’s that feeling of needing to get shit done. It’s that feeling of release. Whether that looks like a strong workout to you, or running a half marathon, or signing a deal. To me, it is writing. It is releasing my feelings to the world to show others that it’s okay to be yourself. You don’t have to feel bad for it. The Effort Behind Long Term Personal Growth Sometimes I look at these people and get envious of their success. I relish in the idea that they have it all figured out and if I didn’t have these feelings, I may think that I wasn’t fully human. Because that’s what they are. Human freaking feelings. I sit and wonder why it’s so hard for me to focus on what I want in life. Why it’s so difficult to just DO the things that need to be done. And then I remember that what I learned growing into my adulthood is different than what they did. My growth is different than what theirs is. And my path is forged in a different direction than those around me. And maybe that is for the best. Because when I sit back and actually consider what their lives are like, what they’ve gone through (that I know of) and what I’ve gone through, I realize quite frequently that I wouldn’t have it any other way. We all have our own shit storms to deal with. We all have our own traumas to navigate as adults and that’s okay. The way you are handling your own life is okay. Just keep doing your best and continue to be your authentic self. Long term personal growth does not happen overnight. Hell, it may not even be done by the time you’re checking out. But as far as I see it, as long as we’re doing our best to make what we want out of life happen, then we’re on the right path. Of course, growth takes effort. You can’t just sit back and watch the clouds roll by expecting change to show up at your doorstep. (Cloud watching is something I highly recommend though, as I’m sure you probably haven’t “had time” to do that since you were a kid). Go ahead, just do it for 5 minutes…without your phone in your hand. *Need a reason to sit the eff down? Here’s a good one. Check out the Insight Timer app and let your mind rest for a few minutes while you listen to soothing music or a quick guided meditation. It’ll be the best minutes of your day, pinky promise. Navigating Challenges and Change When you look at the bigger map of life, you start to realize that these little problems don’t mean as much. You start to embrace those daily habits changing little by little, because even though it feels like forever at the time, I bet when you’re 80 it’s going to seem like seconds. I’m no longer for the “grind” kind of life. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. And just when you think you’re doing everything right, it knocks you back down to size. If you’ve been following HB for a while now, you’ll know that this blog was born out of one of those core moments in my life. Oddly enough, just as I thought I’d
Turning Things Around At 33: Why It’s Never Too Late To Start Embracing Change With Growth
Hey friends. A lot has happened since we started this journey together. Pushing through adversity has been one of the hardest things to overcome in my journey to a more present self. Let’s talk today about how that’s going and how you can learn to get through tougher times to enjoy yourself more on a daily basis. Your Worst Enemy Sometimes adversity can hit home. It can come through the loss of a loved one, a job misfortune or just a plain old bad day. It can get you down and wear you out, but I’m here to let you know that working through times like these can only make you a stronger individual. Why are we always so hard on ourselves? Why do we let comparison steal our happiness and truth of who we are inside? If you want nice things, you don’t have to feel guilty. If you enjoy the simple life, you don’t need to feel like you’re missing out on nice things. The “simple life” can be looked at in several different ways, it is simply what makes you feel happy and alive. This past week I had a change in my outlook on life. Something personal came up that made me feel envious of others lives and created regret that maybe I hadn’t been living my life to its fullest, or rather, to what I “thought” I should be living it like. After several days of pouting and upset, I finally realized that I am in fact living my best life. I am, in fact living my life to its fullest. I have no reason to make complaints, remarks of others I may be envious of, because in the end, we’re just all humans doing our best to live our lives the way we feel that we should. I want to let you know that you can be anything you want in this world. If you find toxicity in any parts of your life, you can change them. You can create the lifestyle you want, the career you desire, and the relationship that looks perfect to you. You alone have the control to make these things your reality, and all you have to do is begin. Begin the changes to encourage your new life, begin accepting that you are on the right path in this universe and let go of the control over what you think you need to do to get there. Things will always happen whether planned or not, and adversity will always strike when you least expect it to. This personal conflict in my life made me at first feel like it would have such an impact. I thought that it was going to cause such problems and uncertainty that I got worked up for days about it. But after some time to just sit and think, (without a screen nearby), I had time to self-reflect on what my actual problem with the situation was. I then realized that it came at a perfect time. A time where I am now confident and comfortable in my own skin to take on this new challenge. Not a time where I was weak-minded and fragile like I was not so long ago. Sometimes challenges present themselves in weird ways. They come out of nowhere when everything is going well and try to break you down mentally. I challenge you to push back and stand up for yourself. You’ve come this far, all you have to do is keep forging ahead. Related: When Push Comes To Shove, Remember To Not Compare 5 Tips to Start Becoming More Confident in Yourself What are some things you can do to start becoming more confident in yourself? What are some aspects you can adjust about your life so that you are comfortable with the path you are on? Let’s talk about a few suggestions. Find things that make you happy. Do them more often. This is easier said than done, trust me. Remind yourself that you are enough. You are okay. You are on the right path. Say it in the mirror if you feel comfortable doing so. Talk to a friend about your situation. Try to be completely open and receive their feedback without criticism. They probably know you better than you know yourself. Give yourself little reminders of how amazing you are. Write down your favorite book excerpts or lyrics and put post-it notes where you get ready in the morning. Speaking of getting ready, GET READY! Stop being lazy and start encouraging yourself to get out of bed and fix your hair, do your makeup or nails, take a bath or read some. Make time for yourself, even before a workday. You’ll feel better and more confident going into the grind. Why have you been holding back on the things that bring you joy? Who has been holding you back? Has it been yourself? A loved one? A friend? It’s time to stop putting off the hobbies and interests that you collect happiness from. It’s important to spend time with these things especially after a long day at work or when you’re feeling overstimulated. Related: Working Through Self Expectations & Limitations Don’t Let Expectations Hold Back Your Joy This bump in my road has brought so much more clarity than I could have asked for. I’ve found that not only am I enjoying who I am, but I’m also making an effort to dip my toes into things that I’ve been dreaming of doing but haven’t yet accomplished. Having big goals before turning 30, I became a little upset when these still were not embarked upon recently when turning 33. But I’m making progress…and so can you. These changes don’t have to be giant, they just have to exist. Start prioritizing a little more time on fun and you’ll begin growing in ways that you didn’t think were possible anymore. It’s almost like we hit the pause button at
When Push Comes To Shove, Remember To Not Compare
Last night I had a breakdown. It was small but it was mighty enough to kick me into gear again. I’m always wondering where life will go from here, and looking for ways to broaden my horizons in any way possible. Upon leaving the grocery store yesterday though, my mind went into straight spiral mode when I realized that my entire day consisted of un-fun, un-relaxing tasks. My mood darkened, my energy from the day shrunk, and the long list of things I haven’t yet accomplished started creeping in to remind me just how much I suck. If this sounds familiar, trust me, you aren’t alone. Find the Time to Vent I heavily considered getting up to write this post at midnight last night when my mind was racing with those defeating thoughts. Being a blogger about finding balance however, well, that wouldn’t make much sense, would it? So, I tried my best to snuggle back into my covers and call it a night. Yesterday wasn’t full of heartache or agony or hard times. It didn’t have much of a bad moment in it to be honest. But little by little, the spiral began, leading me into straight up angry tears by the time I got home. The icing on the cake? My favorite pair of shoes chewed just enough past the point of repair by my oh so cute pitty. I went outside to pout. Yes, pout. I sat for nearly 30 minutes before my husband came out to make sure I was okay. He knew I was having a moment and is always so great about reading it and giving me my space. (Something I definitely need to work on). How are you doing with that? As I sat there, I wondered what set off the tears, the frustration, and reflected on how I managed to get into such a crappy mood after having a relatively good day at work. You see, this would be the time I used to reach for a drink. Frustration, be gone! Although I’m no longer living that life, so in my sobriety, I sat there wondering if I could find the reason why this all came to be. Taking it one step at a time from the end, I realized the shoe had been my breaking point. Why? Because (and here goes the overthinking brain…3 cheers to those of you who can feel this pain!), …because if I had only been home more to be with my dogs and take them on walks and care for them fully during the day they would have less anxiety while we were gone or have the desire to destroy our shoes. I would have the time I needed to practice self-care to the maximum, create the lifestyle I so long for, and finish my hobbies and projects around the home. I would have time to dedicate to creating healthy meals for my family, drive to get proper groceries instead of relying on others to choose for me via Instacart, and come home to a less cluttered home since I would have all the time I needed. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. I was at this point in my life once, where I had all the time in the world…but something was missing. Maybe it was this blog? It brings me pure joy to write and release these feelings with others who understand how I am. It creates happiness to know that I may someday be able to let another know that they’re not by themselves and that we all have feelings of doubt in our lives. As much as we try to work out the “what-ifs,” they’re still there, deep down. Related: Overcoming Negativity On The Scale: How I’m Learning To Be Okay With My Body Be in the Now, Don’t Compare I raised an imaginary glass after my pouting session to engaging with my inner self. After much reflection and understanding of how I got there, I was proud of myself for not reaching for a drink or creating an unnecessary argument with my spouse. And then, I realized how much I was comparing what I wanted years ago to what I want now. Back then, something was missing. I’ve fulfilled that since. Now, I crave more time, only because time is more prevalent to me as age creeps upon me. Something of course I didn’t feel in my early twenties or teens. As I grow both physically and mentally, it occurs to me that I have not lost this game, I have not created an unmeaningful life, it simply is a different life than that of which I wanted as my past self. Now, I am able to learn and grow from what I’ve accomplished and failed in, as opposed to being angry with myself for not trying new things. Once we move past the need to compare ourselves to others, I think we start to compare ourselves to well, us. And in my opinion, this can be an even bigger beast to tame as we tend to compare ourselves so harshly instead of recognizing what we’ve had the opportunity to engage with over the years and overcome. Why can’t we accept that change is going to happen? That as we grow we will develop new ideas or goals in life? Why is it more acceptable to look backward in regret as opposed to looking back on how well we’ve done? Here are a few ways I’m going to practice comparing myself less in the future. Wanna join me? Continue to practice patience. Go sit with yourself and turn your phone off, (I turn mine upside down sometimes and this is also helpful!) Enjoy just being present with your thoughts. And if those thoughts are awesome ideas, make sure you write them down. Begin to look around you more. Write down things that you’ve accomplished and keep track of your progress.
Dealing With Change: An Uncomfortable Shift In Mindset And A Lesson Learned
I was standing in a beautiful stone built shower this evening with clean, hot water running over me. As I washed my hair with what some may call bougie shampoo, a question popped into my head. Why is it so hard to believe that I may have just changed? What is the real problem with dealing with change, anyway? Why does it feel so weird and why can’t we accept that it is a normal, part of self-growth…part of life. I Forgot I Could Change We backpacked through the backcountry for 3 days this week. We experienced outdoor showers, more than one secret oasis, howling coyotes on the hunt and a random horse pass our tent. We trudged through more than 30 miles of hiking, including up the tallest mountain in the state as well as the wilderness, the desert, the tundra, the forest, and a canyon. We viewed sunrise after sunset at some of the most stunning places we’ve ever been together, including great meals and many memorable moments together. We enjoyed talking, walking and even silence during hiking struggles. So, why is it that today, when the first thing went wrong, that my overthinking brain hit the roof? I wasn’t seeing clearly earlier, but since that refreshing hot shower, I’m a little more understanding. You see, I forgot that I could change. I forgot that it’s okay to adjust what you do as you get older, or how you approach new situations, or even situations that you previously were in. It’s okay to feel the hurt when something doesn’t go your way, we are allowed to have feelings when things just plain suck sometimes. But at the end of the day, we have to realize one thing. That thing is that dealing with change is always going to be present in our world, change is always going to happen whether we’re ready for it or not. The thing that hits hardest however, is how you handle the change that comes your way. What change have you encountered lately? Related: What Are Your Pillars? Mental, Physical, Emotional Health Foundations Dealing With Changing Situations and How I React to Them It’s becoming more and more clear to me when I need to adjust my mindset. I often even realize it now in the middle of an actual conversation, where I’ll start to work on self-talk inside my own thoughts. It doesn’t always help right away, but reflecting on it throughout the day is where I find the most progress. Sometimes I’ll talk to my partner about it. Sometimes I’ll put away my screens and just sit to reflect while working on breath work. Other times, I’ll talk to you. As much as I’m hopeful these posts will enlighten another in the world to their potential and understanding of self, it helps me just as much to be able to use this canvas to paint new perspectives on how to adjust my way of thinking or being to better fit into tomorrow. Focusing on the good in our lives is often so much more difficult than focusing on the negative. If I had to keep a tally for this trip, the positive moments would far outweigh the negative ones. Yet, when someone asks me how it went, you know the first thing that will come to mind might just be this one negative one. Why is that? Why does our brain trick us into thinking that those moments are more important to highlight? Human beings like drama, and drama is memorable. My goal this year is to focus on becoming more aware of how I react in changing situations, such as when I was conflicted earlier about whether or not to get another campsite, or a tiny home. After MUCH back and forth contemplation, I decided I was in love with neither and that I should look some more. (All the while missing out on beautiful landscapes passing me by). Low and behold, I found another airbnb that was perfect. We decided to upgrade for the evening and clicked “book.” Changing Rooms and Changing Attitude When we got to the place, there was clearly issues allover. There was soot everywhere from an apparent fire from the person before us, broken things nearly all the places we checked, and just bad vibes throughout the room. The maintenance was kind enough to relocate us to an even more beautiful room, although I was initially upset since that was my perfect aesthetic carefully chosen place. I complained to my husband about the new one, how it was so different and how the patio view wasn’t as nice. I complained about the slowly draining jet tub that I’d longed for after those miles of hikes. I spent so much time complaining that I forgot to look outside and remind myself how magnificent of a place I was already blessed to be in… In that shower, I realized that I was complaining about things that I was taking for granted. Things that I’d grown accustomed to in our travels and things that I was craving so much after missing them for days, that when the slightest thing went wrong, I’d gotten angry, annoyed, even ignorant to my surroundings. Dealing with change is so difficult sometimes. Especially as an adult. We get so used to doing things one way for so long, or being used to how we did things as kids and teenagers, that when that adult life hits us, we expect to continue on with those feelings. I realized that since I’d loved camping so much as a child, that of course I must love it just as much now. And I do. But my back, my joints, my body, the cold, the up at night to walk 100 feet to a half-working bathroom (if there even was one), the constant reminder I was nearly alone in the wilderness, those were things I was not used to. Those things I needed a break
Learning to Gain Freedom in The Mind, Body, And Spirit
Lately we talked about letting go of the chaos in our lives. Have you made any changes since then? Today I’d like to talk a little about the ones I’ve made so far, and how they’ve since affected my overall well-being. I’m sleeping better, I have *slightly* less anxiety, and my home is becoming less stressed. If you haven’t so far, what changes could you make in the next week to see a better outcome in the next month? Let’s talk about it. Quest for Balance When we as humans feel unstoppable, it’s a great feeling. It’s also a feeling that can eventually cause us to hit a wall, since the fact is, that we are only human. It’s hard to face this reality at times, especially in the 2020s. Everything moves quickly, life is so fast-paced every second of every day. And if you’re lucky, the angst hasn’t hit you yet. The world keeps turning even if we do catch the bug, but learning how to then manage it throughout our day to day can be another monster. Finding that balance in all that we do is the hardest task I’ve faced yet as an adult, and my goal in this blog is to help at least one more person through it. We make changes, we live with them. Then we make more changes, and we live with those. We tidy, clean up, fix our broken homes and broken souls, only to be met with yet another challenge at the finish line. It’s endless. But I’m here for you. Finding balance is something we’re told by therapists, healers, self-care books and talk show hosts. It’s no secret anymore that self-care is to be prioritized over all else. The more we consume however, the less we remember to embrace the life that’s unfolding before us. We get so sucked in by their verbiage, their excellent branding, celebrities showing us “how to” live a life that’s full, while they don’t even have a full life themselves. What even is a full life? What does that mean to you?? Related: Lost and Found: Finding Yourself and Gaining Clarity In Life Freedom is the Answer Long ago I thought it meant having more freedom. Freedom to gain more things, more knowledge and more access to things I couldn’t reach. At nearly 33 years young, I’m beginning to realize that I had been partially right in my youth. Freedom is the answer. Freedom is the thing to strive for. Being emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, and completely free. That is now what my goal in this life is. Becoming free. Isn’t that something we’ve always strived for as humans? Trigger warning, we’re going to get deep here and talk about something that may jump into topics of uncomfortableness. Whatever race we are, gender, ethnicity or country we’re from, we’ve all strived to become free of reigns from another person, place, company or country has given us. We have gone so far as to fight wars for it. So many as 260 major wars in the world alone since WW1. That’s mind-blowing. How many of those did you know of? We fought for freedom is many different ways. Wherever you are in the world right now, you probably know of one going on not too far away. Today, in September of 2024, we have a different freedom to chase however. The freedom to change our outlook on life, to live life to the fullest, to embrace pure happiness and fulfillment in our days. But how does one accomplish such a task? The Myth of Freedom Freedom from ourselves is the necessary evil. As children, we are malleable. We twist and turn with every new experience, allowing those experiences to shape our lives. We become molded by the world around us, by our community, our peers, our loved ones. Those things all become us. They show us “how to” be in the world. “How to” live a happy life. How to “gain freedom.” Therefore, by the time we are grown into adults, life becomes a blur. A blur of who we are “supposed to be,” how we are “supposed to act,” when we are “supposed to hold our tongue or act out.” We cannot grasp when we are locked in our own chambers because we are so entwined by all the rules of the world that we’re too busy to even notice. Once we break free of these invisible chains, we are able to let go. Once we have begun finding our truest selves, only then can we become who we were actually meant to be in this life. We can then form our own plans, thoughts, and opinions. We can then put these plans into place and begin to start acting the way we feel most comfortable, instead of being told what comfortable is supposed to look like. Recently, I’ve begun this journey, and I’m taking you along for the ride. Related: Understanding The Meaning Of Life & Letting Go Of The Chaos Want True Freedom? Be a Dog My journey today looks something like this. I try a little more each day to embrace Mother Nature. I try a little more each day to take just a few moments of self-care between working and spending time on my relationship. After all, you cannot be in a thriving relationship with someone else, if you have never dealt with the relationship problems within yourself. I work on keeping less things, less clutter in my home. I find more time to just jump around with my dogs even if it’s just for 3 minutes a day. Dogs are so happy to be alive. They are just pure bliss. Have you ever just started jumping around your dog? They will match your energy in a heartbeat. They are simple creatures that just enjoy every moment that they can get. We should start learning to take something away from those experiences. They nap a lot too. Something I’m also trying to