Last night I had a breakdown. It was small but it was mighty enough to kick me into gear again. I’m always wondering where life will go from here, and looking for ways to broaden my horizons in any way possible. Upon leaving the grocery store yesterday though, my mind went into straight spiral mode when I realized that my entire day consisted of un-fun, un-relaxing tasks. My mood darkened, my energy from the day shrunk, and the long list of things I haven’t yet accomplished started creeping in to remind me just how much I suck. If this sounds familiar, trust me, you aren’t alone.
Find the Time to Vent
I heavily considered getting up to write this post at midnight last night when my mind was racing with those defeating thoughts. Being a blogger about finding balance however, well, that wouldn’t make much sense, would it? So, I tried my best to snuggle back into my covers and call it a night.
Yesterday wasn’t full of heartache or agony or hard times. It didn’t have much of a bad moment in it to be honest. But little by little, the spiral began, leading me into straight up angry tears by the time I got home. The icing on the cake? My favorite pair of shoes chewed just enough past the point of repair by my oh so cute pitty.
I went outside to pout. Yes, pout. I sat for nearly 30 minutes before my husband came out to make sure I was okay. He knew I was having a moment and is always so great about reading it and giving me my space. (Something I definitely need to work on).
How are you doing with that?
As I sat there, I wondered what set off the tears, the frustration, and reflected on how I managed to get into such a crappy mood after having a relatively good day at work.
You see, this would be the time I used to reach for a drink. Frustration, be gone! Although I’m no longer living that life, so in my sobriety, I sat there wondering if I could find the reason why this all came to be.
Taking it one step at a time from the end, I realized the shoe had been my breaking point. Why? Because (and here goes the overthinking brain…3 cheers to those of you who can feel this pain!), …because if I had only been home more to be with my dogs and take them on walks and care for them fully during the day they would have less anxiety while we were gone or have the desire to destroy our shoes.
I would have the time I needed to practice self-care to the maximum, create the lifestyle I so long for, and finish my hobbies and projects around the home. I would have time to dedicate to creating healthy meals for my family, drive to get proper groceries instead of relying on others to choose for me via Instacart, and come home to a less cluttered home since I would have all the time I needed.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. I was at this point in my life once, where I had all the time in the world…but something was missing. Maybe it was this blog? It brings me pure joy to write and release these feelings with others who understand how I am. It creates happiness to know that I may someday be able to let another know that they’re not by themselves and that we all have feelings of doubt in our lives. As much as we try to work out the “what-ifs,” they’re still there, deep down.
Related: Overcoming Negativity On The Scale: How I’m Learning To Be Okay With My Body
Be in the Now, Don’t Compare
I raised an imaginary glass after my pouting session to engaging with my inner self. After much reflection and understanding of how I got there, I was proud of myself for not reaching for a drink or creating an unnecessary argument with my spouse. And then, I realized how much I was comparing what I wanted years ago to what I want now.
Back then, something was missing. I’ve fulfilled that since. Now, I crave more time, only because time is more prevalent to me as age creeps upon me. Something of course I didn’t feel in my early twenties or teens.
As I grow both physically and mentally, it occurs to me that I have not lost this game, I have not created an unmeaningful life, it simply is a different life than that of which I wanted as my past self. Now, I am able to learn and grow from what I’ve accomplished and failed in, as opposed to being angry with myself for not trying new things.
Once we move past the need to compare ourselves to others, I think we start to compare ourselves to well, us. And in my opinion, this can be an even bigger beast to tame as we tend to compare ourselves so harshly instead of recognizing what we’ve had the opportunity to engage with over the years and overcome.
Why can’t we accept that change is going to happen? That as we grow we will develop new ideas or goals in life? Why is it more acceptable to look backward in regret as opposed to looking back on how well we’ve done?
Here are a few ways I’m going to practice comparing myself less in the future. Wanna join me?
- Continue to practice patience. Go sit with yourself and turn your phone off, (I turn mine upside down sometimes and this is also helpful!) Enjoy just being present with your thoughts. And if those thoughts are awesome ideas, make sure you write them down.
- Begin to look around you more. Write down things that you’ve accomplished and keep track of your progress. The world looks so much bigger when you realize all that you’ve endured.
- Find joy in the simple life. Focus on slowing down and not needing as much as you think you do.
- Be more grateful. Try embracing what you already have and know that whatever it is you’ve overcome is an obstacle worth celebrating.
- Take care of yourself. It’s okay to compare yourself to before, as long as you’re doing it with confidence that you are on the right track.
Once you have your own back, you’ll start to realize that comparison really is the thief of happiness. Don’t let social media, the news, or the coworker/family member/supposed friend let you feel otherwise. BE in your own feelings. Embrace doing what things make you happy and don’t ever feel bad about how you’re choosing to live your life. Sometimes that can be a lazy day and other days that can mean taking on the world.
The choice truly is always your own, so why not start taking the steps into being the best version of you?
Related: Learning To Walk Through Struggle: Realizing My Journey Is My Own
Thank you for reading When Push Comes To Shove, Remember To Not Compare
I want to thank all my readers for continuing to join me on my journey including today’s post about dealing with frustration and remembering not to compare. Did this article resonate with you? What are your struggles? Let us know in the comments.
Habitual Balance began in January 2023 as just a thought bubble inside my head. I wound up in the hospital with what I thought was a stroke, and landed on my couch with serious anxiety about how I was living my life for 30 years.Since then, it has grown into a beautiful piece of my life that I would love to continue putting more effort into. With a full time job and a home to care for, HB is unfortunately not at the forefront of this journey just yet. I joined buymeacoffee to allow the opportunity of the love I know it can bring and the community I’m confident can grow from this love of self, so I’m reaching out to see who else is interested in learning along with me.Thank you for your consideration in subscribing to the blog, for the support along the way, and for becoming the beautiful human being that you are.
Stay rooted,
Shelby 
