Here’s 5 Reasons Why You Need To Be Your Own Best Friend
Hey you fabulous person you. Go ahead, pat yourself on the back because only you can fix your uncomfy situation, and by being here, with a like-minded person going through the same things, is step one. For reals friend, you’ve already recognized that your situation is less than ideal, so you went searching on the web to find someone going through the same things. That’s where I come in! Your bff from afar, I’m here to support you along the weird and winding way. Whatever it is that you’re going through, just remember that you are in control of your outcomes. Here are 5 reasons why being your own best friend is so important. Balancing Flow Vs. Control You may be like, but Shelby, you’re sounding hella contradictive from last post, that talked all about how we need to let go more often and enjoy the flow of life more frequently. How we can thrive from not over planning and overthinking about each and every last detail. And that’s totally true. BUT. YOU ARE IN CONTROL of what decisions you make along this flow of life, and where you end up in your future. So, let’s talk about becoming more balanced in our habits regarding control vs. the flow. First of all, let me preface this by stating that it’s taken me *literal years* to understand that me, myself and I can make shit happen. And sometimes, that shit can be scary… But the best part about the scary parts is that we get to work through them. We get to understand the conflict and rise up on the other side. We get to realize our true potential and learn how to knock down barriers along the way. If you can start replacing that one little word, trust me it’ll make a world of difference. But besides that, I want you to recognize that barriers take time to build up, which also means that they’re going to take time to tear down. So don’t get discouraged, because I’ve got your back. Hey Friend, Start Putting Yourself First We talked in the last post about how life doesn’t always seem to hit perfectly every time. And although I do feel I’m on the right track to my life-lasting happiness, no one can ever understand what it is that actually gets us there. We may think that we need to have these grand plans and giant steps in the business world or with our families to check into the next level up. That we have to “have it all figured out” by the time we’re 30, and in the process make sure that said families don’t hate us or want to disown us for embracing different beliefs as we grow into our own new person. But you see, that’s not true at all. The more we grow and learn and acquire throughout life, the more we can interpret it into our own little unique situations. Which in turn, allows us to apply those new found tidbits into daily life and continue creating the best lifestyle we know we can accomplish. I want to inspire anyone reading this to start putting themselves first. Now I’d like to consider myself an empathetic person because I literally feel bad for every single thing, bug, plant, and human being on this planet. It’s sort of annoying at times. But guess what? As they say, no one’s coming to save you. And therefore, you my friend, need to save yourself. Related: Learning To Walk Through Struggle: Realizing My Journey Is My Own 5 Tips For Being Your Own Best Friend So, how do we go about all this lah-dee-dah-dee self-saving? Check out this handy-dandy list. It’ll get things started. Allow love in. This was a hard one for me. It seems so simple, right? But for a long time I (didn’t even realize) that I had a huge ugly wall up that was causing me to lash out at people I cared about. It was very uncool, but once I understood that to love myself more I needed to allow more love in from others, my life began to shift into more smiles and less RBF. Find your most authentic self, and love the shit out of them. Correct, similar to the first point, you have to surround yourself with people who love you for who you actually are, because if you don’t, you’ll likely be googling “what is imposter syndrome” in 20 years. Just be you, mmkay? Create “me time…” and STOP feeling guilty about it. Why is it that we harp on ourselves when things pop up that actually require some space? Why is it that we feel bad about carving out any tiny moment for making our hearts happy? Can we stop labeling “me time” as faulty time management and start embracing the extra minutes in the day doing something that we love, just for fun? Keep reminders, like, of everything. Guys, I’m sure we all probably have a love/hate relationship with AI and Alexa and Siri and Google Assistant and Chatgpt…BUT. Hear me out. Let’s begin to beat the haters at their own game by being on top of ours. Instead of being late to meetings, write them DOWNNNN girl. Instead of being late to an appointment, add them to your calendar right away and even go as far as including the location so all you have to do is click on your GPS. Start putting yourself first and making sure you have time to prepare even for the most mundane of tasks. At the end of the day, you’ll feel refreshed and less stressed knowing that you didn’t have to rush that day or miss something of importance. Because YOU have got your own back. BOOM. 😎 “No” is a complete sentence. An oldy, but goody. We’ve heard it, probably said it to others jokingly, and maybe even used the phrase to make fun in a conversation. But I’m serious, friends! I just used it the other day. I don’t remember what for, but that’s the beauty of it. It
Calling All Overthinkers: What Is Your Status Quo?
I learned something today. About myself and about other people as well. I decided to choose self growth over making money, and that was a huge milestone in my step forward. I didn’t realize it until I was standing here, eating an apple, filling my water bottle, and not rushing around because at that moment I recognized I had chose creating a lifestyle. I just wanted to be over burning myself out and escaping into a world. I don’t want to merely exist. Someone asked me how I felt about therapy and talked about how they like to stay busy so that they can zone out and not have to worry about thinking. When I questioned them on why they don’t want to be able to have time to think, they said it was because if they start to think too much, then they will start to realize that they’re not on the trajectory that they want to be in this life…have you ever felt this way? Let’s all stop overthinking every instance of our lives. Stop Being an Overthinking Overthinker They were overthinking all the things that they’ve done wrong up until this point because they’re not at the level they’d like to be at yet. I say yet because it’s just a process. Everyone always tells you to “trust the process,” but how many of us actually implement it? We go on and on about how we wanna use self growth and change our mindsets. So, we listen to audiobooks and podcasts and watch some shorts on YouTube and read blogs like this one too pretend we’re on the right path, but are we actually doing the things that need to be done to get us to that point? I’ve had a lot of conversations recently with my spouse about lifestyle change. Not meaning that I don’t like my lifestyle at this point, but that I want to make changes to improve it and continue improving it as I get older. We talked about how not every personality is the same and how we as humans differ in mindset, challenges and goals. Just because you have someone as a life partner doesn’t mean that you can’t still accept responsibility to step up and tackle your own goals and dreams. You have the time, you have the energy, and you have the space…you just need to start making it a priority in your life instead of overthinking and putting it on the back burner. Even if you just work on it five minutes a day, 10 minutes a day, or if you’re really ambitious, an hour a day, you can continue to make progress in those changes. Therefore, you will continue to see growth happen month after month, and then year after year. Related: Personal Growth: The Ultimate Long Game Breaking Free from Overthinking and Embracing Your Next Step So as I write to you today, I think about my new status quo. Is it different from my old status quo? Or is it the same, and I’m just a little bit different at understanding it? I consider how each and every one of us realizes at different points in life that we are on our own trajectory. Some days, we fill flooded by overwhelm and too filled to the brim with tasks and chores and to-do lists. We have so much on our plate that we wonder if we’ll ever be able to just “catch-up.” If you’ve talked to enough people by now, you’ll probably agree that everyone else believes “you never really catch up.” Well I said fooey to that, my friend. Isn’t it time that we started accepting the responsibility of adulting and recognizing that we can really do anything we put our minds to? Isn’t it time that we stopped listening to the noise around us that keeps trying to pull us down into their bubble? As we grow, we should continue to try to keep learning. Pushing ourselves to new levels and trying new things to level up our mental and physical growth. Is it fair to say that we need to overcome being boring so that new opportunities can open up to us? No one wants to be stuck, but yet everyone always feels the need to stay in their comfort zone. Why?? The more we push outside of that bubble, the more we can float on up to the next level of consciousness that propels us into a new realm of thinking. It’s mind-blowing, beautiful and an amazing process. So, are you tired of people telling you that you can’t have it all or be on the level you choose to be on? Are you tired of others assuming your status quo will never be attainable? Or are you ready to jump ship and choose your own path to be challenged and prepared for anything coming your way? I vote the latter. In my own life, I’ve decided to starting embracing the need to accept myself more often for who I actually am. I’ve stopped caring (and overthinking) so much about other people’s negative energy and have tried to adapt by going with the flow more frequently. I don’t mind if others stress that “I’ll never really be ready for parenthood,” and that “I just need to accept that I’ll never be able to catch up.” The coolest thing is knowing that I AM ready for certain things. Knowing deep down that I DO have the power to choose when the next chapters of my life take place. Life is just a series of choices, and knowing that I’m solely in charge of those choices gives me the freedom I need most to feel comfort in taking the next step. What does your next step look like? Enjoy this post? Check out Embracing Vulnerability : The Art of Slowing Down and Seizing New Experiences — Thank You For Reading “Calling All Overthinkers: What Is Your Status Quo?”
Turning Things Around At 33: Why It’s Never Too Late To Start Embracing Change With Growth
Hey friends. A lot has happened since we started this journey together. Pushing through adversity has been one of the hardest things to overcome in my journey to a more present self. Let’s talk today about how that’s going and how you can learn to get through tougher times to enjoy yourself more on a daily basis. Your Worst Enemy Sometimes adversity can hit home. It can come through the loss of a loved one, a job misfortune or just a plain old bad day. It can get you down and wear you out, but I’m here to let you know that working through times like these can only make you a stronger individual. Why are we always so hard on ourselves? Why do we let comparison steal our happiness and truth of who we are inside? If you want nice things, you don’t have to feel guilty. If you enjoy the simple life, you don’t need to feel like you’re missing out on nice things. The “simple life” can be looked at in several different ways, it is simply what makes you feel happy and alive. This past week I had a change in my outlook on life. Something personal came up that made me feel envious of others lives and created regret that maybe I hadn’t been living my life to its fullest, or rather, to what I “thought” I should be living it like. After several days of pouting and upset, I finally realized that I am in fact living my best life. I am, in fact living my life to its fullest. I have no reason to make complaints, remarks of others I may be envious of, because in the end, we’re just all humans doing our best to live our lives the way we feel that we should. I want to let you know that you can be anything you want in this world. If you find toxicity in any parts of your life, you can change them. You can create the lifestyle you want, the career you desire, and the relationship that looks perfect to you. You alone have the control to make these things your reality, and all you have to do is begin. Begin the changes to encourage your new life, begin accepting that you are on the right path in this universe and let go of the control over what you think you need to do to get there. Things will always happen whether planned or not, and adversity will always strike when you least expect it to. This personal conflict in my life made me at first feel like it would have such an impact. I thought that it was going to cause such problems and uncertainty that I got worked up for days about it. But after some time to just sit and think, (without a screen nearby), I had time to self-reflect on what my actual problem with the situation was. I then realized that it came at a perfect time. A time where I am now confident and comfortable in my own skin to take on this new challenge. Not a time where I was weak-minded and fragile like I was not so long ago. Sometimes challenges present themselves in weird ways. They come out of nowhere when everything is going well and try to break you down mentally. I challenge you to push back and stand up for yourself. You’ve come this far, all you have to do is keep forging ahead. Related: When Push Comes To Shove, Remember To Not Compare 5 Tips to Start Becoming More Confident in Yourself What are some things you can do to start becoming more confident in yourself? What are some aspects you can adjust about your life so that you are comfortable with the path you are on? Let’s talk about a few suggestions. Find things that make you happy. Do them more often. This is easier said than done, trust me. Remind yourself that you are enough. You are okay. You are on the right path. Say it in the mirror if you feel comfortable doing so. Talk to a friend about your situation. Try to be completely open and receive their feedback without criticism. They probably know you better than you know yourself. Give yourself little reminders of how amazing you are. Write down your favorite book excerpts or lyrics and put post-it notes where you get ready in the morning. Speaking of getting ready, GET READY! Stop being lazy and start encouraging yourself to get out of bed and fix your hair, do your makeup or nails, take a bath or read some. Make time for yourself, even before a workday. You’ll feel better and more confident going into the grind. Why have you been holding back on the things that bring you joy? Who has been holding you back? Has it been yourself? A loved one? A friend? It’s time to stop putting off the hobbies and interests that you collect happiness from. It’s important to spend time with these things especially after a long day at work or when you’re feeling overstimulated. Related: Working Through Self Expectations & Limitations Don’t Let Expectations Hold Back Your Joy This bump in my road has brought so much more clarity than I could have asked for. I’ve found that not only am I enjoying who I am, but I’m also making an effort to dip my toes into things that I’ve been dreaming of doing but haven’t yet accomplished. Having big goals before turning 30, I became a little upset when these still were not embarked upon recently when turning 33. But I’m making progress…and so can you. These changes don’t have to be giant, they just have to exist. Start prioritizing a little more time on fun and you’ll begin growing in ways that you didn’t think were possible anymore. It’s almost like we hit the pause button at
When Push Comes To Shove, Remember To Not Compare
Last night I had a breakdown. It was small but it was mighty enough to kick me into gear again. I’m always wondering where life will go from here, and looking for ways to broaden my horizons in any way possible. Upon leaving the grocery store yesterday though, my mind went into straight spiral mode when I realized that my entire day consisted of un-fun, un-relaxing tasks. My mood darkened, my energy from the day shrunk, and the long list of things I haven’t yet accomplished started creeping in to remind me just how much I suck. If this sounds familiar, trust me, you aren’t alone. Find the Time to Vent I heavily considered getting up to write this post at midnight last night when my mind was racing with those defeating thoughts. Being a blogger about finding balance however, well, that wouldn’t make much sense, would it? So, I tried my best to snuggle back into my covers and call it a night. Yesterday wasn’t full of heartache or agony or hard times. It didn’t have much of a bad moment in it to be honest. But little by little, the spiral began, leading me into straight up angry tears by the time I got home. The icing on the cake? My favorite pair of shoes chewed just enough past the point of repair by my oh so cute pitty. I went outside to pout. Yes, pout. I sat for nearly 30 minutes before my husband came out to make sure I was okay. He knew I was having a moment and is always so great about reading it and giving me my space. (Something I definitely need to work on). How are you doing with that? As I sat there, I wondered what set off the tears, the frustration, and reflected on how I managed to get into such a crappy mood after having a relatively good day at work. You see, this would be the time I used to reach for a drink. Frustration, be gone! Although I’m no longer living that life, so in my sobriety, I sat there wondering if I could find the reason why this all came to be. Taking it one step at a time from the end, I realized the shoe had been my breaking point. Why? Because (and here goes the overthinking brain…3 cheers to those of you who can feel this pain!), …because if I had only been home more to be with my dogs and take them on walks and care for them fully during the day they would have less anxiety while we were gone or have the desire to destroy our shoes. I would have the time I needed to practice self-care to the maximum, create the lifestyle I so long for, and finish my hobbies and projects around the home. I would have time to dedicate to creating healthy meals for my family, drive to get proper groceries instead of relying on others to choose for me via Instacart, and come home to a less cluttered home since I would have all the time I needed. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. I was at this point in my life once, where I had all the time in the world…but something was missing. Maybe it was this blog? It brings me pure joy to write and release these feelings with others who understand how I am. It creates happiness to know that I may someday be able to let another know that they’re not by themselves and that we all have feelings of doubt in our lives. As much as we try to work out the “what-ifs,” they’re still there, deep down. Related: Overcoming Negativity On The Scale: How I’m Learning To Be Okay With My Body Be in the Now, Don’t Compare I raised an imaginary glass after my pouting session to engaging with my inner self. After much reflection and understanding of how I got there, I was proud of myself for not reaching for a drink or creating an unnecessary argument with my spouse. And then, I realized how much I was comparing what I wanted years ago to what I want now. Back then, something was missing. I’ve fulfilled that since. Now, I crave more time, only because time is more prevalent to me as age creeps upon me. Something of course I didn’t feel in my early twenties or teens. As I grow both physically and mentally, it occurs to me that I have not lost this game, I have not created an unmeaningful life, it simply is a different life than that of which I wanted as my past self. Now, I am able to learn and grow from what I’ve accomplished and failed in, as opposed to being angry with myself for not trying new things. Once we move past the need to compare ourselves to others, I think we start to compare ourselves to well, us. And in my opinion, this can be an even bigger beast to tame as we tend to compare ourselves so harshly instead of recognizing what we’ve had the opportunity to engage with over the years and overcome. Why can’t we accept that change is going to happen? That as we grow we will develop new ideas or goals in life? Why is it more acceptable to look backward in regret as opposed to looking back on how well we’ve done? Here are a few ways I’m going to practice comparing myself less in the future. Wanna join me? Continue to practice patience. Go sit with yourself and turn your phone off, (I turn mine upside down sometimes and this is also helpful!) Enjoy just being present with your thoughts. And if those thoughts are awesome ideas, make sure you write them down. Begin to look around you more. Write down things that you’ve accomplished and keep track of your progress.
Learning to Gain Freedom in The Mind, Body, And Spirit
Lately we talked about letting go of the chaos in our lives. Have you made any changes since then? Today I’d like to talk a little about the ones I’ve made so far, and how they’ve since affected my overall well-being. I’m sleeping better, I have *slightly* less anxiety, and my home is becoming less stressed. If you haven’t so far, what changes could you make in the next week to see a better outcome in the next month? Let’s talk about it. Quest for Balance When we as humans feel unstoppable, it’s a great feeling. It’s also a feeling that can eventually cause us to hit a wall, since the fact is, that we are only human. It’s hard to face this reality at times, especially in the 2020s. Everything moves quickly, life is so fast-paced every second of every day. And if you’re lucky, the angst hasn’t hit you yet. The world keeps turning even if we do catch the bug, but learning how to then manage it throughout our day to day can be another monster. Finding that balance in all that we do is the hardest task I’ve faced yet as an adult, and my goal in this blog is to help at least one more person through it. We make changes, we live with them. Then we make more changes, and we live with those. We tidy, clean up, fix our broken homes and broken souls, only to be met with yet another challenge at the finish line. It’s endless. But I’m here for you. Finding balance is something we’re told by therapists, healers, self-care books and talk show hosts. It’s no secret anymore that self-care is to be prioritized over all else. The more we consume however, the less we remember to embrace the life that’s unfolding before us. We get so sucked in by their verbiage, their excellent branding, celebrities showing us “how to” live a life that’s full, while they don’t even have a full life themselves. What even is a full life? What does that mean to you?? Related: Lost and Found: Finding Yourself and Gaining Clarity In Life Freedom is the Answer Long ago I thought it meant having more freedom. Freedom to gain more things, more knowledge and more access to things I couldn’t reach. At nearly 33 years young, I’m beginning to realize that I had been partially right in my youth. Freedom is the answer. Freedom is the thing to strive for. Being emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, and completely free. That is now what my goal in this life is. Becoming free. Isn’t that something we’ve always strived for as humans? Trigger warning, we’re going to get deep here and talk about something that may jump into topics of uncomfortableness. Whatever race we are, gender, ethnicity or country we’re from, we’ve all strived to become free of reigns from another person, place, company or country has given us. We have gone so far as to fight wars for it. So many as 260 major wars in the world alone since WW1. That’s mind-blowing. How many of those did you know of? We fought for freedom is many different ways. Wherever you are in the world right now, you probably know of one going on not too far away. Today, in September of 2024, we have a different freedom to chase however. The freedom to change our outlook on life, to live life to the fullest, to embrace pure happiness and fulfillment in our days. But how does one accomplish such a task? The Myth of Freedom Freedom from ourselves is the necessary evil. As children, we are malleable. We twist and turn with every new experience, allowing those experiences to shape our lives. We become molded by the world around us, by our community, our peers, our loved ones. Those things all become us. They show us “how to” be in the world. “How to” live a happy life. How to “gain freedom.” Therefore, by the time we are grown into adults, life becomes a blur. A blur of who we are “supposed to be,” how we are “supposed to act,” when we are “supposed to hold our tongue or act out.” We cannot grasp when we are locked in our own chambers because we are so entwined by all the rules of the world that we’re too busy to even notice. Once we break free of these invisible chains, we are able to let go. Once we have begun finding our truest selves, only then can we become who we were actually meant to be in this life. We can then form our own plans, thoughts, and opinions. We can then put these plans into place and begin to start acting the way we feel most comfortable, instead of being told what comfortable is supposed to look like. Recently, I’ve begun this journey, and I’m taking you along for the ride. Related: Understanding The Meaning Of Life & Letting Go Of The Chaos Want True Freedom? Be a Dog My journey today looks something like this. I try a little more each day to embrace Mother Nature. I try a little more each day to take just a few moments of self-care between working and spending time on my relationship. After all, you cannot be in a thriving relationship with someone else, if you have never dealt with the relationship problems within yourself. I work on keeping less things, less clutter in my home. I find more time to just jump around with my dogs even if it’s just for 3 minutes a day. Dogs are so happy to be alive. They are just pure bliss. Have you ever just started jumping around your dog? They will match your energy in a heartbeat. They are simple creatures that just enjoy every moment that they can get. We should start learning to take something away from those experiences. They nap a lot too. Something I’m also trying to
Understanding The Meaning Of Life & Letting Go Of The Chaos
Hello friends. I’m sure that none of us really know the true meaning to life, but this is my current take on it. Take it, leave it, or provide some context of your own in the comment section. Whatever journey it is that you’re on, let’s travel that road together and realize that it was created uniquely for each one of us, after all. Let’s take a look at what life and should be while coping with chaos. Navigating Your Own Chaos I’ve been dealing with a lot of chaos lately. I keep thinking someday it’ll just stop coming on, but then it creeps back in when I least need it to. This is pretty common in 2024, with anxiety and stress-related diseases on the rise. But, how do we control the chaos so that we can become healthier individuals? How do we cope with the constant angst that’s around us? That’s what I’m trying to figure out. How to prevent it, how to navigate through it, and how to overcome it once and for all. What does chaos look like to you? To me, chaos is clutter. Chaos is the messy room I’ve been meaning to get to for an eternity. Chaos is the dishes piling up or laundry overflowing or litter needing changed. It comes in the form of dust bunnies and streaks on the mirror and no zen in my home. It forms into a huge bubble of chaos instead of calmness and I’ve just simply had enough of it. The hardest thing to cope with though, is how to create a lifestyle of chaos-free balance. How do we get to the point of no return (meaning to me, no chaos longer present). Should we clean more? Should we dedicate even more of this precious life tidying up and ticking off to-dos? I used to be extremely one-sided on this idea. Yes, I thought, I need to always be working on having a clean home, a tidy living area, a zen feeling about my abode. You know that one house you always went to growing up that just exuded good vibes and near to no negativity. It had clean carpets and smelly-good aromas floating about the place. It embodied a clean, comfortable, consistently beautiful living space. I wanted that. I still want that. Related: Reigniting The Feeling: Visiting Your Previous Self & Understanding What’s Changed Reality Checks Can be Messy Many moons ago when I was just a kid, I told myself I didn’t really care much about tidying up. Cleaning was no fun and fun was all I wanted to embark upon. As a teen and young adult, I felt exactly the same. It wasn’t until I started a serious relationship that I really wanted to prove to myself that I was an adult, and therefore could aptly obtain a well-manicured home. I was wrong. All I’ve done since then was create more stress, more anxiety, and alas, more chaos. Imagine that. I don’t know what it is when you become a spouse that you have this feeling of “I need to get my shit together” and therefore need to change the way I am. Not that I was specifically trying to change the way I was, more so how I was attempting to appear that said shit was indeed intact. Let’s not beat around the bush here, nobody’s perfect. We all have our flaws, some more serious than others. One of mine is that I constantly strive for approval, a “good job,” a pat on the back to validate my actions…it’s bull shit and I hate it. There’s nothing wrong with needing validation in life, we need it in several ways each and every day to understand that we are in fact not crazy psycho people with a passion for seeking approval. However, I am here to tell you that doing so for an extended period of time is not healthy. At least for me, it hasn’t proved to be. As of late, I’ve been consistently stressing about my home. The way it was, the way it is, the way it should be. I stress about the mess and the clutter and the cleaning and all my spouse does is listen (while helping, mind you), and remind me that there are other things in life to be more concerned about. Now. I don’t like to admit it, but sometimes he is right… Why do I really care about the few dishes in the sink when the sun is shining and we’re both off early? We could be walking our furballs, embarking on a hike, enjoying our time over an early dinner out. But instead, I sit hesitating every decision wondering if I’m making the right one. And do you know what? By the time I’m done with all of that overthinking, we could have been doing what I loved most in past times. Having fun. Related: Habitual Growth: Looking Back And Moving Forward 10 Quick Ideas for Adulting Fun Fun is something we’ve forgotten about as adults. Fun is something we now forego in lieu of cleaning, cooking, and letting in the chaos. Why don’t we make a pact right here, right now, to start introducing at least one fun thing into our days going forward. You in? Here are a few ideas to get us started: 1. Kayaking – if it’s a beautiful day, check out a local lake to rent a kayak for 2 hours. It’s usually $15 or so and a well spent afternoon alone or with your significant other. 2. Baking – Cold outside? Learn to bake! It’s way more affordable and there’s just something so rewarding about enjoying a freshly baked loaf of bread kneaded by yours truly. 3. Crochet/knit/cross stitch – If you don’t know how to do this, crocheting is the easiest to start up with in my opinion. I used to spend several hours just letting time pass relaxing with some hot chocolate. It’s the most peaceful feeling when
Reigniting The Feeling: Visiting Your Previous Self & Understanding What’s Changed
Have you ever gotten stuck? I would almost guarantee that you’ve gotten stuck somewhere along this journey called life. It’s mental hell sometimes, and you know what? I’m right there with you. We’re going deeper today to look at experiencing a spiritual awakening. Are you ready? — A few years ago my spiritual life changed. I woke up one day from a nap with one of my current and one of my previous dogs. I was face down, and woke up in such a shift that I can literally still feel it. They say these things only happen in movies, or that people make them up. I don’t believe that anymore. Because it’s happened to me twice. The first time was over a decade ago. I was out the night before, drinking heavily and drowning in whatever sorrows I laid out at the time. This sucked, that sucked, everything sucked, so because of that, I tuned it all out. But I do remember one distinct memory, having a red solo cup of whatever that was with a person I once knew. The next morning I woke up the same exact way. Face down, pulling away from my bed inhaling hard and fast. I was having a panic attack, and visited the hospital a short time later. Soon after this experience, I planned my move home, started over, and met my future husband on the 2nd to last day I was in town. Talk about some unique timing. Now some of you may read this and think I’m talking about experiencing a spiritual awakening. And maybe that’s what it was. I’m going to chalk it up though to some not so great life choices and then a shift that pushed me into becoming a better person for myself and for those around me. It took some time, a lot of time. Discovering who I was and who I am and who I still will be is taking some hardcore efforts. You would think this kind of stuff should just come preprogrammed in your subconscious, right? Unfortunately, we just ride the rollercoaster until it takes us for a spin that’s not so fun and tells us to turn ourselves around. I feel like most all of you could relate in at least one way or another. This was the first turnaround for me. The first oh shit moment that propelled me into a “grown-up” life and realizing that I needed to start taking myself seriously. The next came a few years back as I mentioned previously, and this one I would actually consider a spiritual awakening…have you had one? Related: Unlearning A Fixed Mindset: Leaving Old Habits Behind For some, experiencing a spiritual awakening might feel like a sudden realization or deep shift in perspective. It’s often described as a transformative event that can alter one’s view on life and personal purpose. I’m talking about the moment you discover you’re meant for more, meant to enjoy life, not just live it. I’m talking about those moments that flutter so quickly by each day because we’re moving too damn fast to really live in them. You know the ones. Those are the ones you look back on and dread because you forgot they even existed. You hate yourself for always being “too busy” or dedicated to the grind and the hustle that it’s actually caused you to demolish any sense of reality you have left. It’s the times spent looking back on our time spent. It’s relishing in the moments we lived through so hastily and wanting them back so badly. It looks different to everyone, but it happens to most every human. We forget our passion projects, our love for things, our drive to do something. When I had that awakening, I woke up that morning and the first thought that came to me was that I needed to see a therapist. But not just any kind. I wasn’t even sure what kind. So, like any modern day millennial, I started googling. I scrolled for awhile until stumbling on a girl from a town I used to reside in. How ironic, I thought. Life just became full circle. I called immediately and was disappointed that she didn’t answer right away. You see, that’s the problem. We have such immediate gratitude these days, that waiting on absolutely anything that we want right freaking now, is a whole anxiety inducing experience. She eventually called back, and we set up a video call to see if we were the right fit. 3 years later, I still see her every few months. — Yesterday I was talking to a friend about how my creative mind was coming up dry. I have been frustrated for weeks because I loathe putting out content that isn’t authentic. I don’t write just for the sake of writing, I write because I love it. It’s freeing, magnificent, stress-relieving, and therapeutic. I write online because I want others to understand they’re not alone in this ridiculous world and that I feel what they feel. I write to strangers on the internet because we’re all alike more than we think. We all self-ridicule, criticize, compare and forget to relate. We focus on others success and forget that we have so many of our own to be proud of. During this conversation, I realized that the reason I’d been having writers block is because I forgot what I was passionate about. I forgot how important this blog, this journey was to begin with. I forgot why I started it. If you’re new here, I’ll share a quick reminder. A little while ago I experienced what I thought was a stroke. Turns out I was just stressed to the max and didn’t even know it. I’m pretty sure 90% of the population is the same way, which is why heart disease is so popular. We overwork, overcomplicate, and overbook ourselves literally to death and I’m here to stop myself *again* from doing that. Related: The
Unlearning A Fixed Mindset: Leaving Old Habits Behind
Ever since I was young, I always had this feeling like I’d never have enough time. This feeling was literally applied to everything, but as I got older, it became less like a feeling, and more like a mindset. It applied to bike riding with my friends, making funny home videos after school with friends, leaving those so called friends behind traveling to college, and even now while I sit in a cabin with my husband and dogs far from home, work, and other responsibilities. If you have FOMO (fear of missing out), or any sort of decision fatigue over how you’re going to spend your next 19 hours and 42 minutes, trust me, you’re not alone. Fear of Missing Out Examples in My Life For so long, this was how my thought process worked. Clearly, today it still happens, although I’m actively teaching myself to unlearn this annoying habit. It drives me crazy each time I catch myself falling into its trap again, but luckily I’m able to recognize it more often these days. Yesterday, when we were to leave early in the morning for our weekend getaway, I got huffy with the hubs because he had to work a little extra in the morning. EVEN THOUGH this allowed me much needed time to do some catching up on work myself, (and set up the house for an easy return), I was rather bothered that we would be missing half of the day outside of the home to enjoy each others company. Kind of petty, don’t ya think? Petty, selfish, we all have those moments, because that’s just how we humans can be at times. The good part is that we can keep working on becoming better partners, and better individuals to be around. We can improve our attitude toward adventures and still allot enough mental space to have a nice time. Today, I had another one of those moments…didn’t take very long to creep back in. Rude! I was standing outside letting my dogs find their perfect spot, thinking about how checkout is at 11am tomorrow. “Crap! I thought, only 22 more hours in this beautiful place…wait, no! 21 hours! Ughh!!” Talk about annoying voices in your head. *eye roll* Related: How Self Reflection Helps You Grow as a Person Tips for Helping FOMO I’ve been working on leaving a plethora of old habits behind in the last several years, some of which you’ve probably already read about, and some of which may come about in the future. This overthinking, annoying fear of missing out thought process is most certainly one of them. The angst and the overwhelm about what I need to fit into these small chunks of time that I somehow managed to carve out of my hella busy schedule just want to take over sometimes and I’ve been working on ways to not let that happen so easily. Some of these tips may sound repetitive, but I promise you, that’s for a solid reason. They’re working for me, and if they can work on this ridiculous mind that runs a hundred miles a minute, I promise they are most likely going to work for you, too. Here’s my faves: (I’ve even implemented some of them this weekend so far) The 4:7:8 breath work technique. It truly is a winner. Check out a video if you’re not sure what it is, (I’ve linked one in the text on the home page for you!) Replace those racing and negative thoughts with better ones. Clear your mind and reset. Try visualizing exactly what you want to look like or where you want to be in 3 months, 6 months, or a year from now. Like really see it in your mind. Look inward. Someone recently was sharing a tattoo, in which we both agreed the inner work was the hardest part. This goes the same for your inner work on yourself. Spend some time working on being more mindful or trying to recognize when you’re getting stressed. You could even go as far as writing those moments down to reflect on them on a future date. Sit down or go for a walk (if you’re like me, when you’re thinking you cannot walk at the same time), don’t feel weird, just know it’s not just you! Try not letting any thoughts flood in during this time. Just focus on being present, and make sure you’re in nature, not a closed gym. Touch some trees. Or hug them, yes really. I recently traveled to my dads with my husband where we cut down a tree that’s been there my entire life. When I hugged the empty stump at the end, my husband laughed. But seriously, it was my way of feeling the goodbye entirely. I felt more whole doing so, and I’ve let go of feelings of guilt, shame, or people thinking I’m weird for doing things, because you know what, weird is just what I am, and I’m finally okay with that. Related: Moving Ahead And Appreciating The Now Leaving Behind a Bad Habit Another habit I’m leaving behind this month is alcohol. I’m seeing where things take me, but as a self-proclaimed health nut, it’s just no longer for me. I’m looking toward a healthier and happier future where alcohol doesn’t consume my free time over reading, writing, being present with myself and loved ones, the list goes on. The more I do this thing called reading, the more I am educated about the cons widely outweighing the pros. And as a person (or woman, rather), in her 30s, it’s high time to make better decisions about what I’m ingesting. (This goes for nutrition as well! Which I promised in a past post that we will continue to touch on, so stay with me folks!) I’m hopeful that during this part of my journey with leaving old habits behind, you’ll be willing to follow along and do the same. Whether that looks like overthinking, drinking, or
Working From Home And How It Has Molded Me
Once in a while we get blessed with an “Aha” moment. Those moments can be big or small, mind-blowing or just a newly discovered thought. Working from home off and on the last few years has been a journey to say the least. It’s pushed me to new levels of being, helped me to understand more issues about myself that I didn’t even know existed, and showed me that sometimes, you just have to fail a bunch to understand that you are staying true to your individual course. My Journey To Today Nearly 11 years ago I met my husband. I was waiting tables on the late shift when the man of my dreams walked in and sent chills and butterflies throughout me all at once. It was a feeling I never knew before, and if you’ve had them, you totally understand. At that point, I had no goals, no real ambitions, and no feelings on how I would be spending my next years let alone my next days. I was living for the moment, enjoying the spontaneous, and not caring much at all about my health, let alone my life ahead. This month at Habitual Balance, we’re looking back. After looking back a lot at this year in the last few posts, I’d like to go way back and travel with you on my journey to becoming a full-time reseller and blogger writing to you today snuggled on my couch with my two poofballs curled up next to me. Life has changed a lot since then, but alas, so have I. Related: How Self Reflection Helps You Grow as a Person A Little Bit About Me When I say that I’m not an emotional person, I have to explain it a little more. Death doesn’t phase me much anymore, and sadness comes in many different forms. However, when I sit back and think about where I was in my life during our initial meet, and where I am now, tears pool in my eyes…I should probably invest in some teeny tiny umbrellas. They’re not tears of sadness, but not all of happiness either. They’re more of a disbelief that life has led me to this point in such a weird and winding way, and I’m just overwhelmingly grateful for that. Once I met my partner in this life, I realized a few things. I’d need to focus more on my well-being, understand who he was, and learn how to become better together as the years flew by. Working from home was never on my to-do list, I didn’t even know at that point that it was a thing, let alone going to be what I did primarily in my future years, and mainly because of the fact that I wanted to do all I could to find something that would allow me to continue providing as a part of my family during and after my childbearing years. I longed to stay home with my pets, and in the future, our kids. So, after a bunch trial and error, I finally figured out something that I could make work. It felt incredibly refreshing. Reselling And Blogging – Working From Home I grew up selling things. Anything and everything that I could get my tiny entrepreneurial hands on. I wanted to make ends meet before I knew what it meant. Give me a plastic cash register and I’ll give you my business plan. Once sailing through 20-30 dead end jobs, it struck me that one thing remained obvious throughout them all. I was bored. I’d start every job, every career, (including my career as a 2x college dropout), elated and prepared af. Then, a few weeks would turn into months, and before the years end I’d always make a run for the next opportunity ahead of me. This got old after awhile, causing me to grow more bored, and in turn, burnout from misunderstanding what was staring me in the face. I would be respectful to my employers, but would grow irritable on the way home knowing that I could offer so much more than I was. The “Aha” moments started to come one after another, far spread throughout years but finally after several ideas failed, one ultimately stuck. Reselling became my thing, and blogging was where I grew fond of writing once again, just as I did as a child. Once I had dealt with family members passing, a sick pup and heartbreak of many forms, there was one consistent thing that remained at the top of my thoughts each one of those nights as I lay awake staring at the ceiling. “Thank God I work from home.” Related: Path To Productivity: My Struggle With Planning And The Perfect Hot Cocoa Recipe Working From Home Benefits If I never had the opportunity of doing so, with the help of my husband working alongside me to build my dreams, I may not have gotten to be with my loved ones in their last days, or take care of my dog when he needed me most. I may not have been able to grind all day and all night on my business, so that my dreams that are still unfolding could ultimately be fulfilled. I also may not have began to understand mental health and how important it is to us all. How our physical and mental strength play off of one another, and I may not have had time to read about, listen to, and learn of the ways that I can improve all of these things before becoming ready to welcome another life into the world. Working from home has many ups and downs, although many think there are solely ups. I’m here to confirm that I’ve been through a lot of both, and although there are days where I still get frustrated at my employer (lol), I bring myself back to reality by reminding myself that through this all remains the fact that I get to work for myself. What
Moving Ahead And Appreciating The Now
We talked a little so far in December about how to stay more present within the tasks you’re focusing on and why that gratitude should be taken a little less for granted. Today I’d like to chat with you about moving ahead in the new year and how I’ve been focusing more on “appreciating the now” lately. Understanding Stressors And How To Avoid Them It’s hard sometimes to understand where to draw the line. When do you start putting play first and work second? I feel like this is something we likely all struggle with, so let’s talk about that a little bit today. This month I’ve been doing exactly the opposite of last year. This quarter, actually. From Fall on, I’ve been focusing more on my mental and physical setbacks that are holding me up, why they are (or were) happening, and how I can conquer them just a smidge better in the first quarter of 2024. The last quarter of the year always starts a hustle and bustle of family get togethers, birthdays, anniversaries, events, games, vacations (or the lack of), and work…a LOT of it. You could say that last year I held about one ounce of what I do this year for personal time or time with my significant other. It really sucked to say the least, and in January I felt all of the effects of burnout at once. This year I’ve been taking more time to understand stressors, how to navigate them more appropriately, and what I can do to avoid them or move through them instead of letting them control me and/or my behaviors. Have you ever felt like this? That you were basically in the passengers seat just struggling to stay on the ride? Related: How Self Reflection Helps You Grow as a Person Find Your Spot Today I’m writing to you from an old refinished whiskey distillery. It’s located in the bottom half section of a now-usable horse barn, where the horses and foals are sitting right outside the window waiting for pets. (Yes, of course I petted them! Don’t worry, this was 100% allowed by the Airbnb owners!) It sits on a beautiful piece of land that has immaculate sunsets and sunrises. The cooler air means one thing, more comfy clothes, space heaters, dark wine and hot cocoa. It’s like roughing it in luxury. There’s the original barn doors, the same beams on the bed that the barn was built with in the 1800s, but also, a towel warmer. (Yes, really!) My favorite spot has to be the cute little wooden nook in the corner behind the bed. It’s the perfect setting for when I’m inspired to write, being that I get distracted easily and there is nothing but wooden walls around me. It even has a kitchenette, but we chose to make this a driving foodie type trip instead! Almost 10 years ago to the day, we spent many months here for my husbands work. It was so cute and quaint but it’s something we never really appreciated until we were no longer around. Recently, I was looking back at an old album, and noticed a picture from a place we used to frequent. It was at that moment I brought up Airbnb, (after having an exceptional experience in October! In case you missed that post, check it out here!), searching for the perfect place that wouldn’t be too far away to revisit our old stomping grounds. I found this one pretty quickly and immediately booked it. I’m so glad I did. Nostalgia And Appreciating The Now During this trip, we drove around to the old sites we went to a decade ago, enjoyed some of the same meals, and stopped by our old place. We chatted a bunch, enjoyed each others company, and listened to old country music on the radio, (it’s all that was available!) However, there were some times as well when I wasn’t my best self. It’s always the times where I set my expectations too high and feel guilty about not being able to just “go with the flow,” something I’m trying to work a lot on these days. Instead of misunderstanding one another like we used to though, the hubs and I figured out what the issue was, talked through it, and moved on with our day. It made me even more grateful to be able to be with someone so understanding and patient. If you’re thinking this sounds too good to be true, don’t get me wrong. I think every relationship takes work, and that includes working on yourself…which is why it’s so important to me to understand myself better instead of solely focusing on external sources as I did in the past. Moving forward will always be harder than looking back. And I realized exactly that this was part of my problem this time. I had held on so tightly to our past, that I forgot about allowing time in for new memories and creating additional sparks on our timeline together. We’ve changed, individually and as a partnership. My advice to you this month is to allow that change. Let it in and absorb it all. Embrace and appreciate the now. Breathe new air into your lungs even if it’s from the same place you went to 10 years ago. Stop chasing what has been and start embracing what you’ve become. When you start living with less expectations, you can continue to create the next step in your journey. Related: Acknowledging Burnout & Learning Where To Find The Lightbulbs Thank You For Reading “Moving Ahead And Appreciating The Now” Thank you for reading today’s post about how I try to keep appreciating the now. What has your path to productivity looked like? Let me know what resonates with you. If you have a suggestion for what our next post should be let us know. Don’t forget to check out our sister site Rooted Drawers.