Every now and then life throws us a curveball. But that just means we have to catch it even if it hurts and throw it back. Because by doing so, we get to stay in the game…I heard this yesterday from one of our favorite Youtubers, and it really resonated with me. It’s so true. Each time something different comes our way that we weren’t expecting, it offers a new opportunity to learn, to grow, to adapt to the new situation at hand. With every new curveball in life comes a chance to change, what changes would you make?
What No One Tells You About Pregnancy and Fear
I was scared to jump into the parenting boat. I was afraid to be more vulnerable and less selfish and put more of myself into someone else than I even do for myself. Everything about pregnancy, parenting, and motherhood, frankly frightened the shit out of me. For years though, I told myself and those around me that I would “love” it and “embrace” it. (But that’s not what I felt internally, like, at all).
It was only after waiting another decade to consider having children again, that I decided to write a book precisely about how scared I actually was, and why. There are a plethora of things that we’re not told about in schools, from loved ones, or precisely those around us that are women that have gone through these things. And honestly? I think it’s because it’s become taboo to talk about uncomfortable things…including childbirth. And that makes me a little sad.
This should be one of the most beautiful times of our lives as women, the most incredible journeys that we have the opportunity to go on with ourselves and our tiny humans forming in the womb. But no, we’ve been told to “just wait,” that “things are only just getting hard,” that you’ll “never bounce back,” and that we should basically just kiss the life we have goodbye. And yet we wonder why we have a population decline?
We shouldn’t have to turn to Google or ChatGPT to tell us how things go. We shouldn’t be rushed in and out of appointments only to feel lost and misunderstood after the 30 seconds the doctor spends with us. We should be cherished, cared for, and empowered by those around us that are supposed to help us through this new door of life and encouraged to understand more fully what childbirth and motherhood actually look like.
But unfortunately, the actual helpful books are limited, the knowledge is stifled, and the caregivers have tapped out. The books merely talk about the highlights and share a high level overview, skipping the deep, troubling and actual important parts. The knowledge is shushed and hurried and frowned upon if too many details are shared over coffee. The caregivers have given up on the passion for their career as they’ve been underpaid, overworked and under-appreciated for the literal lives they are bringing into the world.
So today, I’d like to talk about where my thoughts are now, and what the future looks like for us as soon-to-be parents.
Choosing This When I Was Ready
Yes, I’m pregnant! Yay for finally becoming a momma to a future tiny human. I do feel excited, empowered, and 99.9% ready to face this new challenge ahead of me. But I didn’t get that way overnight, and I didn’t get there because of social media telling me to. I didn’t see 35 coming and think, “well time’s ticking, let’s get on with it!” Although, unfortunately, that’s what most women do.
We have media and headlines telling us that if we don’t hurry up and pop some kids out that we’ll be a ticking time bomb for early menopause, and therefore, our chances of childbearing years will be dried up. It’s honestly a little gross the way terms are thrown around like this sometimes. And hurtful too, actually.
We are people, human beings, and we have feelings, like, a LOT of them.
Which means it’s not fair to judge us for wanting to wait, for creating careers first and families later, for putting our foundation of a relationship before jumping into parenting together. There’s nothing wrong with that, I repeat, there is NOTHING wrong with doing what you want to do with your life path and your own body, so don’t overthink it.
I Over-Thought For Years
I do apologize that this post is not all happy and rainbows and “I’m pregnant, hooray!” But this is real life, and I talk about real feelings here on HB. So cheery or not, here we are. I over-thought things for YEARS. Because I felt like something was wrong with me. For not wanting to become a mom yet, for not even being sure if I wanted to become one at all. I absolutely adore my life the way it is. I love spending time with my spouse and I don’t need everyday to be something “new” to enjoy my routines or schedule.
Routines that are regular, help to create healthy habits and therefore a life that’s in a flow state, as opposed to being something that’s constantly rushed. We’re not meant to be high-stress, overworked, stuck in tiny boxes all day kind of beings. We’re to enjoy life, be one with nature (which includes Mother Nature and our wombs!!) and to be taking one small step at a time, when we are actually ready to do so.
That’s why we’ve decided to finally take these next steps in our lives.
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From Fear to Excitement, Embracing It All
At this point, I’m approximately 4.5 months pregnant. Enjoying every damn day and honestly going better than I thought. Have I had some bouts of nausea? Sure. Extreme 1st trimester tiredness? Abso-freaking-lutely. Restless nights with my subconscious on “omg I’m a mom soon” overload? One hundred percent. But do I regret any of those feelings so far? Do I regret trying and conceiving? No, not at all.
I am now over the moon to get the kicks, the tiny fingers wrapped around mine, the little eyelashes blinking back at me. I’m consumed consistently just thinking about all of the cool things we as humans, especially women, get to experience in this life. Like, how incredible it is that our bodies can capture these moments in such depth?
…And how ridiculous it is that we get ridiculed left and right if we aren’t staying the course of the modern day woman??…
Like as in we have to choose a job or motherhood, or figure out how to do both, or figure out how to please everyone around us with all of their repetitive questions and annoying advice since everyone apparently knows better…even though we are all in completely separate lives and situations! GIRL, please. ✋
Holding Onto This Season
Did I write a book on being scared? Yes, yes I did. And that was just a short 1.5 years ago. But do I feel completely different about the process at this point? Like, 1000%. And that’s because I waited (along with the support of my significant other) until we were both ready, willing, and able to dedicate the time and effort and love to our tiny human on the way. We feel so grateful that we have this opportunity now, and can’t wait to see what comes next. However, it’s not something we’re rushing by signing up for apps, registries, or places to book for showers and get-togethers.
We’re not talking about names, cribs or strollers or carseats, we’re just continuing life as normal, enjoying each other and figuring the process out along the way. Taking one singular day at a time, having conversations that carry our relationship, taking long walks together to remain active and healthy, and grasping the fact that in a few short months our lives will inevitably change.
We don’t want this time to fly by, we want to embrace it and cherish it one moment at a time. Being present with ourselves allows us to think more clearly about our future, while planning and understanding future parenthood just a little bit at a time. If you’re in the same boat or something similar, don’t feel pressured to figure it all out as soon as that pee stick comes back with two pink lines. Take your time, keep calm, and carry on with the feeling that parenthood can be exactly as you want it to be.
Thanks for reading today. I appreciate you and hope to meet again in future posts about parenthood, motherhood, and the tiny human that will of course have a direct impact on my life, my work and this blog. I am so here for it. I hope you will be, too.🫶
Thank You for Being Part of This Journey
Thank you for being here and allowing me to share something this personal. Whether you’re on a similar path or just following along, it truly means the world to have you here. If you’ve ever felt unsure about motherhood, or waited until you were truly ready, I’d love to hear your story in the comments.
